


loose lips, sunk ships

by aquilaean



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, More tags to be added!, Not Canon Compliant, POV Multiple, Secret Relationship, specifically uno, the gang plays card games, updating once a week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-03-09 13:25:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18917929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquilaean/pseuds/aquilaean
Summary: Spock and Jim have been together for a grand total of seven days. It's honestly a surprise they managed to keep it a secret this long. Or, the crew of the Enterprise slowly find out the truth about their Captain and First Officer's relationship one by one, because there is no such thing as secrets aboard this ship.





	1. Spock

**Author's Note:**

> set after star trek, before the events of into darkness would supposedly take place and assuming spock and uhura were never together.

Spock has been romantically involved with James T. Kirk for approximately one week now. It is a fact he is still fascinated by every time he remembers it, which is verging on constantly. He has been finding it increasingly difficult to focus solely on his work on the bridge, when Jim is sitting in his yellow command uniform. Whenever they make eye contact, he smiles at him, and Spock finds his efficiency decreases significantly for a period of time directly after such interactions. He cannot seem to control the distinctly illogical thoughts that enter his head in those moments. Jim reminds him of a star, shining golden like a beacon of hope. Poetry is not the typical way through which Vulcans see the world. Indeed, Spock still regards most of existence with the factual, simple reasoning he was taught in his earlier life. Whenever James Kirk is in the picture, though, his logic fails him. Once, that would have scared him. In a small way it still does. Control is something Spock finds the loss of… disagreeable. That sentiment is greatly eclipsed by how he feels in the presence of Jim, though.

It is exceedingly odd, really. Although he has harboured affection for Jim for some months, they have only been ‘a thing’, to use Jim’s terminology, for one week. Despite this, Spock is already lost on how he lived his life without the new understanding he has with the captain.

If someone had ever asked earnestly, Spock would have been forced to admit that he does experience emotions. He assumes other Vulcans do too, though he never heard it mentioned by any of them. It is an uncomfortable subject for him, which Jim tells him – and honestly, he must agree – is an issue. Spock has only the highest respect for his Vulcan elders, but sometimes he thinks perhaps their methods are somewhat misguided. If only in his case, where his Human ancestry might have given cause for a different approach. He does not blame them for the affects their teachings have had on his life. For the most part, he appreciates the ability it has given him to focus, to avoid the waves of emotion he sees create many issues for Humans. It is simply that Spock has found, in times of extremes, his impulsivity becomes almost impossible to control. It is as if that ability goes only so far, at which point its power is lost completely, and even Humans act more rationally than he does. After many thoughtful discussions with Jim, Spock has decided he will do his best to allow emotion into his life. In small portions though, that is.

So far, he is not wholly disliking the experiment. It is true that he now experiences sensations of worry on a more constant basis. However, such feelings are manageable, especially in comparison to the dangerous spikes of fear he would occasionally go through, usually when the crew was on a mission that posed a significant danger to life. Many of the emotions he does not attempt to be rid of are enjoyable ones, too. The calming warmth he feels when surrounded by his friends, the spark of joyous curiosity when he discovers something interesting on a planet they visit. Most of his companions are yet to notice, for his tone, facial expression and intonation are still largely the same. Jim knows, of course, and has been exceedingly supportive of Spock’s attempts to be more relaxed. Nyota became aware of the change within 24 hours of it being implemented. She did not think much into it, acknowledging the effort but not connecting it with Jim. Spock was not surprised by her noticing, as Nyota was the one member of the crew aside from Jim that he confided in. They had great respect for one another, and Spock would always feel gratitude for the comfort she had offered him upon the destruction of his home world. Without it, he is uncertain how the loss may have affected him differently, but he can only imagine it would have been drastically worse.

That day stays with Spock for a multitude of reasons, the realisation of Nyota’s close friendship being only one of them. The empty feeling that accompanies the memories continues to find Spock sometimes. It is something more than sadness or grief. He can only thank the universe that his parents survived. His mother, he knows, very nearly died the disaster. The idea of losing her is difficult for him to rationalise, despite knowing she lives safely in the new colonies with his father. He will message her if he is distress, though only when he knows it is daytime on New Vulcan and she is capable of responding before his concern grows into something worse.

Aside from that aspect, though, Spock remembers the destruction of Vulcan for another reason, one he had forgotten until quite recently. It was the day that James T. Kirk first looked at him with an emotion other than annoyance or disgust in his eyes. Jim was been angry with him at first – had accused him of not caring that his home world had been destroyed, his people massacred. Spock understood this assumption. His reaction at the time had not been anything that a Human such as Jim would have expected. Jim had apologised many times for what he had said in that moment and their needless cruelty, the words spoken only to force Spock to react. Spock himself had apologised more than once for that reaction. He had hit Jim out of anger and despair, losing control of his emotions. The memory was one that flooded back to him easily. He struck him only once, but his Vulcan strength threw Jim halfway across the room, to the shock of all present. Spock left immediately, unsure of where he would go, but sure that he could not stay. He could not meet his father’s eyes as he left, knowing the disappointment that was surely present. He had almost expected someone to be sent after him to confine him to his quarters or an equally appropriate holding place. Assault was a serious offence, regardless of the provocation. Yet no one came.

Spock had found himself in a silent, abandoned corridor. It was there that he’d slid down to the floor, leaning against the wall, wishing his mother were present. She was still receiving intensive medical care for the injuries she’d sustained in the destruction of Vulcan. He tried to meditate but was unable to calm down his frayed and messy thoughts. So he just sat there, feeling lost. Time passed and he knew he should go to the bridge, apologise for his behaviour and return to his duties. Spock never inflated his own self-importance, he simply knew that his intelligence and advice would be useful in the current situation. The crew could hardly wish his return after his violent actions, though. Kirk was irritating, but he did not deserve such treatment. Spock could not decipher the logical course of action, leaving him truly unsure of what to do. Logic had not failed him in this way before.

He had not been aware of the person who had appeared in the corridor until it was too late, and they were already approaching. He stood instinctually, a stab of unusual emotion echoing through his chest when he realised it was Kirk.

“Spock,” Kirk said, with something Spock would hesitantly categorise as relief in his voice. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Spock glanced up in surprise and felt a heavy wave of shame hit him as he took in Kirk’s face and the dark bruise forming on his left cheekbone. He looked down again, staring at the floor.

“I must apologise for my behaviour earlier,” Spock said quickly, “it was unjustifiable.”

For some reason, Kirk had smiled weakly. “I uh, don’t know about that. What I said was pretty shitty. I mean it was really shitty. So I’m hoping you’ll come back with me to the bridge? Chekov’s close to working out how we can get close to the _Narada_ without being noticed, and I could really use you up there.”

It was not what Spock had expected. As irritated as he still had been with Kirk for his reckless hot-headedness – hardly fair anyway given Spock’s recent actions – he was not certain he was deserving of such quick forgiveness. “I–”

Suddenly Kirk’s expression had changed. He looked… concerned. Worried. “Spock are you– are you okay?”

It was only at that point that Spock realised he was crying. The closest thing to Human crying he could do, at least. There were tears on his face. They’d fallen silently, without Spock physically sobbing, but they were still there. He efficiently wiped them away on his sleeve, embarrassed then as well as ashamed.

“I am quite adequate,” he had replied. “Let us go to the bridge.”

“Hey.” Kirk had reached over and caught hold of Spock’s sleeve. Spock halted instantly, staring at the place where Kirk’s hand made contact with his arm.

Kirk attempted to present a stoic face, but Spock could tell the Human was in distress. “Look,” Kirk continued. “I’m really fucking sorry for what I said, it was so messed up of me and I– well, you don’t have to forgive me. And I know it’s a lot less cool coming from me, but Bones says she’s going to recover. Your mother, I mean.”

Spock had been somewhat confused but spoke calmly in response. “I am aware. I bear you no ill feeling, I too am sorry for the part I played in the incident.”

“I’ll accept your apology if you accept mine?” Kirk offered his hand.

He fortified his mental barriers before taking Kirk’s hand and shaking it, sensing the emotional turmoil on Kirk’s side of the wall. Then he let go.

Spock had followed Kirk back to the bridge, where Chekov revealed he had indeed determined a way to accomplish the first part of their mission. When Kirk asked Spock to come with him to rescue Pike, Spock vaguely mentioned the regulations that forbade such a decision but did not refuse. He had been glad to have resolved his conflict with Kirk. Given their positions aboard the Enterprise, it was only logical.

After Nero was defeated, Spock still had not been sure whether he was permanently welcome on the _Enterprise._ He was. Jim was “honoured”, in fact, to have him on board. Months had passed, and everything had been normal. Then, to his horror at the time, things began to change. Emotions – uncontrollable ones at least – were not something he had been comfortable with. He had tried to reason with them. It had not worked. He had tried to ignore them. It had not worked. Then he accepted them, which did nothing, except that he suddenly felt like a part of the weight had been lifted off him. That had still been some time before anything had come of it.

Spock has not told anyone about their relationship as of yet – not even Starfleet, which is in defiance of many regulations he does not exactly enjoy breaking. However, Spock will not risk their crewmates finding out by accident, so regulation will have to wait. It is not that he is embarrassed of Jim – a fact he assured him of – it’s that Spock simply isn’t sure how to… _reveal_ such a truth to their friends. And Jim will not do anything without Spock there at his side, so for now, they keep it quiet. Spock wonders whether they might be figured out, though. He feels as if his affection for Jim must be obvious. Since the party, Spock has struggled to keep his attention from the _Enterprise’_ captain.

Spock is in the science lab running diagnostics on the surface of Pavus II, the planet they will be landing on in a few days’ time. It appears the environment is largely temperate forests with a tendency to experience sudden cold changes in the weather. The dominant sentient life form of Pavus II are the Pavusians, a species capable of space travel who also inhabit Pavus I, though in smaller numbers as the climate changes are even more extreme on that planet. The Federation has had contact with the Pavusians before, but it was not until recently that a successful diplomatic mission took place and Pavusians gave permission to the Federation to gather data from their home world. As the _Enterprise_ was nearby when this agreement was made and already boasted a highly skilled, well-equipped science teams, it had been chosen to fulfil the role.

Jim is incredibly enthusiastic about the mission, which is no surprise. He is always passionate about the tasks assigned to the _Enterprise_ and evokes the same response among his crew. It is something Spock admires about Jim, among everything else that causes him to feel as if he is an object on Jim’s world, drawn to him by a gravitation pull he could not hope to break free from even if he wished to. He still prefers to think of Jim as like a star, glowing so brightly it is sometimes hard for Spock to look. And if Jim is a star, that makes Spock a planet, spinning around with Jim’s light shining upon him whenever they face each other. Spock knows Jim would object to such a characterisation on the basis of it diminishing Spock’s own importance. He understands this completely but would still stand by his original thought. It is simply how he feels.

Shift is technically over, leaving Spock the only officer currently working. Lieutenant Uhura is with him as she wishes to “hang out”, which he has no objection to. Nyota’s company is always appreciated and her intelligence goes far beyond xenolinguistics, making her a valuable work partner.

“Are you excited?” Nyota asks him. She is eating cereal – something that is definitely against regulation in a science lab. Spock has reminded her of such a fact, but Nyota has promised she will do her best to avoid inducing chemicals and is willing to put her money on succeeding. Spock would question her as to why she is eating cereal in the evening when the Human food is typically consumed in the morning, except for the fact he knows Nyota’s reasoning would be “why not?”

“To what are you referring?” he asks instead as he runs some calculations by the computer.

Nyota waves her hand – the one holding her spoon – flicking tiny droplets of milk across the lab. “You know what I mean! The mission. It’s a brand-new world to be explored.”

“Vulcans do not experience the emotion of excitement in the Human way,” he responds, more out of instinct than honesty.

This causes Nyota to roll her eyes dramatically. As Spock knows from their many months of friendship, Nyota does not believe his declarations that he is emotionally lacking.

“Alright, sorry,” Nyota says. “Are you curious about what we might find? I know you’re quite partial to discovery, Spock, so don’t lie to me.”

“Vulcans do not lie,” Spock says, though a harsh glare from his companion prompts him to continue with, “I admit, however, I am interested to visit the planet’s surface, although it will likely be cold. I have heard Lieutenant Commander McCoy say the pathogens on Pavus II maybe be key in perfecting the treatment of several diseases.”

“Don’t tell me you and the doctor are all buddy-buddy now?”

Spock makes a face. “I can assure you that is not the case. He continues to refer to me as a ‘hobgoblin’, in reference to the Human folk tale of small mythical creatures known for their disruptive behaviour. It is logical to pursue any advancements possible in the field of medicine, though, in order to lessen preventable loss of life.”

Nyota laughs, the sound echoing. Spock often wonders how Nyota, rather like Jim, is so capable of being joyous on a rather constant basis. In the darkest situations, she is equal parts serious strength and optimistic humour. Even when Jim begins to fret, she does not allow the crew to become distressed. Her approach to such events is incredibly admirable. The more Spock thinks on it, he finds he has great satisfaction in having Nyota as a friend. He is glad to have assured Jim that their relationship is just that – friendship – not the closer connection the captain had assumed existed. Spock has the highest regard for Nyota, but they both decided a long time ago they were far more compatible as friends than romantic partners, even before they were assigned to the _Enterprise._

“So…” Nyota begins, her tone changing slightly. She takes a thoughtful mouthful of cereal, poking at the contents of the bowl with her spoon. “…How are you?”

Spock expected to receive a question of that sort. Nyota insists on the discussion of feelings, which he was initially averse to. The issue now is not that he believes he should not have emotions, it is more that he has so many emotions that he cannot disclose, and Nyota is a very ‘needling’ person. He would never lie, of course. He has found it necessary to avoid the truth, though, which he does not enjoy. Soon he will tell Nyota, just as Jim will tell Doctor McCoy, but he has not worked out how. Vulcans are not the kind to be self-conscious. Then again, Spock is only half Vulcan, and he must admit he does not like having judgements made about him. Caring about such things is illogical, he knows. Logic is no longer Spock’s only ally now. He tries to remember that when he can.

“I am well, thank you,” he says politely. He just catches himself before he says he is ‘fine’. After years of protesting the vague term that in Humans comes with so many meanings, it would not be strong to give in now. Even if he is romantically engaged with a human.

Nyota shoves him with her foot playfully, a physical contact he no longer begrudges her. The touch is not as distressing as it once was.

“Come on, Spock, you have to give me more than that,” she says, an affectionate warmth in her tone. “What’s going on with you right now?”

“You have known me for some time, Nyota. I would have thought you were aware things are rarely ever ‘going on’.”

She glares at him again, but her expression softens after a moment into more a smile. “I know you’d never offer it up as information, Spock, but I have noticed how much calmer and more expressive you’ve been recently. It’s nice to see you let yourself be happy.”

Spock would be offended had it been anyone but Nyota who said that to him. Then again, Nyota was one of the people who would ever notice. “I am… glad,” he says carefully, “that you are pleased by the change. I too have found that it has improved my enjoyment of life.”

“Once,” Nyota murmurs, voice gentle, “you would have claimed you did not _enjoy_ things.”

“I know,” he replies, feeling a little overwhelmed. He has thought on the subject at length. “It had very negative impact on my wellbeing.”

Nyota slips off the lab bench on which she was sitting, setting her now empty bowl down and moving closer to him. She rests her hand on Spock’s shoulder, offering an encouraging smile. After giving him a quick squeeze, she steps away again and seats herself in an empty chair.

“Tell me about these _korta_ that we’re hopefully going to be avoiding on Pavus II,” she says, the thoughtful change of subject a welcome relief. Just as Nyota knows how discuss emotions with him, she also knows when it is time to let the conversation be. “I don’t like the sound of giant bloodthirsty tigers much, especially not ones that live in caves _and_ can climb trees.”

Spock nods slightly and feels the corner of his mouth twitch, the closest to returning Nyota’s friendly expression as he can manage just now. “ _Korta_ are comparable to your home planet’s tigers, though as you state they are significantly larger in size. Their fur is a dark grey, rather than orange, and the threat level is high should we encounter any of them. With luck and precise planning, however, that should not happen.”

“Would you be in charge of that planning?”

“I am.”

Nyota sighs. “Then I have nothing to worry about.”

Spock regards her for a moment, then turns back to his work. He feels content. Nyota truly is a far greater friend than he deserves. She stays with him, helping out occasionally with the work, until it becomes late and it is time to retire. As he walks past the captain’s quarters on the way to his own, Spock’s thoughts turn to Jim. His heart grows even lighter, full of a floating energy that adds an odd spring to his step, even though he feels fatigued. Jim. His bright-shining stun. Stunning the universe with golden hair and striking blue eyes. He feels a sense of awe, even though Jim is not even within his sight. His beauty is impossible. His intellect leaves Spock starstruck. He is aware that term originated in the 19th century as a descriptor of Earth celebrities, but it seems to him the term would apply to Jim whether he was famous or not. Jim is a star, a sun, a beacon of light and hope. A glowing example of goodness and kindness. The only one who for which Spock will speak of in such poetic, emotional terms. He already cannot quite comprehend the good fortune he has encountered to have Jim as his, although it has only been a week. That’s not quite true, now he thinks about it. Spock and Jim are eternal. For a long, long time they have been something. It is just that it was only a week ago that things truly fell into place. In this moment, he feels he could tell the whole universe about his love – because that’s what it is, _love_ – for James T. Kirk. He won’t, but he could.

There are no secrets of the _Enterprise,_ though. Everybody knows each other far too well. As it happens, Chekov is the first to figure it out.


	2. Chekov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chekov makes a (terrifying) discovery about his Captain and First Officer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the kudos and comments so far! I really, really appreciate it.

Chekov is often made fun of for his age. He doesn’t really mind, admittedly it’s kind of funny. Everyone likes to joke about how he’s a teenager and how hilarious that is – even Spock, though it’s sometimes tricky to tell when the Vulcan is intentionally being humorous or is just inadvertently amusing. What no one thinks to question, however, is _how_ a teenager ended up on the bridge of one of Starfleet’s finest ships. The answer is relatively simple, actually. Chekov’s a genius.

He’s been aware of it since he was three years old when he first went to kindergarten in Russia and realised he was a lot smarter than all of his peers. Before he started school he already spoke complex Russian and passable English, with the mathematics expected of a thirteen-year-old already easily under his belt. As soon as the teachers got a look at him, they informed his parents of Pavel’s potential to join Starfleet before he was twenty. It was an opportunity not to be missed.

Chekov was tutored at great expense until he was eleven years old, at which point he received a scholarship to a prestigious, incredibly selective school that promised he would be Starfleet cadet by the time he was fifteen. He and his parents accepted, of course, even though it would mean him moving to San Francisco. Chekov loved his home country, but he admittedly had few friends. Certainly none as intelligent as he was. That all changed when he arrived at the school in America.

The Academy snatched Chekov at the earliest opportunity, and after the first day of classes he knew he was in the right place. He was top of the class in Stellar Cartography and Transporter Theory, making him the perfect fit for a navigator. His expertise in advanced theoretical physics was unparalleled in his year level. His greatest achievement, though, was being the youngest cadet in the Academy’s history to win the Starfleet Academy marathon. Well maybe after being signed on as navigator on the _Enterprise_ on its very first voyage out into space. It was an honour. It was amazing. It was horrible. It very nearly broke Chekov completely.

Vulcan’s destruction is still… difficult for him to think about. All the death, all the loss… He still has nightmares about the beaming. _Spock, Sarek, the council, Amanda-_ Amanda Grayson. He had nearly lost her. _So_ very nearly. No one has ever told him explicitly, but he knows from his readings at the time and common sense that the ground had fallen away from under her feet half a second after Chekov beamed them up. Spock’s mother had nearly died, and it would’ve been his fault. He thanks the stars every day that Spock had noticed in time and pulled her to safety. Otherwise, Chekov wasn’t sure how he ever would’ve ever forgiven himself. Every time he sees Spock he thinks about it. In the nightmares, he fails to save Amanda, and sometimes the rest of the Vulcans too, and everybody hates him. None of them more than himself, though. That feeling always stays with him for the first few hours of the day. Hikaru knows about the dreams and makes the effort to reassure Chekov at least three times a day of how good he is at his job. Chekov appreciates it, sometimes it’s just hard to believe that it’s true. He can’t help but wonder whether a seventeen-year-old should ever be placed in the position he was. Yes, he was a genius – still is. He was also, though he hates to admit it, a child.

Through Chekov’s plan and James Kirk’s insane bravery, the crew of the _Enterprise_ defeated Nero and saved Earth. Chekov was thinking about his parents the entire time. He could not let them die. That they didn’t is another thing he thanked the stars for daily. And now here he still is on the _Enterprise,_ almost a year later, travelling to some planet preparing for an exploratory mission to the surface. And something _definitely_ up.

Captain Kirk has been acting kind of weirdly, in a way that suggests he’s trying to hide something. Chekov guesses this because it’s the same way he behaved in the week before Uhura’s surprise birthday party. He overcompensates by being even more friendly and humorous than usual, and whenever someone starts talking to him he looks like a child afraid they’ve been found out in some mischief. When Uhura asked if she could have a conversation with him yesterday, he seemed on the verge of fainting until she kept going and revealed the conversation was only about something to do with their mission. Their captain is hiding something from them and Chekov can’t help but be curious about what that something is. He trusts Kirk though and doesn’t think much of it until another interaction piques his interest.

Chekov brings them out of warp a little too early. Not enough that it matters at all – the crew has a lot to prepare before landing and the distance they still have to travel will be made up easily while that happens.

“Sorry for ze error in my navigation, Keptin,” Chekov says over his shoulder anyway, because his parents did teach him manners.

Kirk waves a hand dismissively, clearly distracted, and says a word Chekov doesn’t remotely recognise. “ _Kaiidth_.”

No one else is paying attention and when Chekov turns to Sulu, the helmsman doesn’t seem to have noticed.

“What?” asks Hikaru, confused at Chekov’s attention.

“Did you hear zat?” he asks.

“Hear what?”

Chekov shakes his head. “Never mind.” Chekov _does_ mind though, because it’s very unusual behaviour for Kirk. He’s never witnessed the captain speak in other languages randomly like that. Kirk obviously doesn’t wear a translator like some of the alien crew do, so Chekov has no idea what it means.

_“Kaiidth,”_ he murmurs under his breath. Weird. Luckily, there’s at least one person on this ship who might be able to help him.

After lunch – vegetarian pirogi that remind Chekov of home – he approaches Uhura in the corridor and pulls her aside.

“Lieutenant Uhura,” he says, “can I ask for your help vith something?”

Uhura shrugs. “Of course. What’s it about?”

“It’s a language thing. I vos vondering whether you could tell me vhat language a certain vord if from. I don’t know how it is spelled,” he adds, “but I can pronounce it as best I can.”

“Go on.”

“It vos something like _‘kaiidth’._ I don’t recognise ze language at all.”

Uhura cocked her head, squinting slightly. “It’s sounds… _Vulcan_ to me. I’m not sure what it would translate to, my Vulcan is as good as it needs to be for the job, but… well, I’d say it’s something a little more colloquial, maybe? Ask Spock. If it is Vulcan, he’ll know.”

That is something Chekov is not _entirely_ comfortable with. Over the past year he’s got to know Commander Spock better, and to be fair to the Vulcan he’s not nearly as intimidating as he first came across. Chekov remembers at the academy hearing horror stories about the then-professor and his reign of terror over the cadets at the Academy. He was like a robot without human relations programming, people said. Over time, it’s become apparent that Commander Spock _does_ actually have emotions, he just chooses not to express them on a general basis. There are little things, like when someone tells a joke and the corner of Spock’s mouth twitches, or after what happened to Vulcan, when Spock looked on the verge of tears when he returned to the bridge with Kirk. Chekov’s determined from this that Spock does feel but people knowing that makes him uncomfortable. He supposes with the Vulcan’s upbringing, maybe people would judge him for emoting. There aren’t any other Vulcans on the _Enterprise,_ though, so Spock really shouldn’t be worried. As Chekov has found himself, though, just because there’s a lack of danger doesn’t mean you can’t be afraid.

“Ah, yes. Vell, I’ll do zat,” Chekov says. “Thank you, Lieutenant Uhura.”

“No problem,” Uhura replies, ruffling Chekov’s hair as she often does. “I’d check the databases for you, but I have to go to a landing part briefing. Let me know if you do ask though, I’d be interested to learn.” Uhura is _always_ interested to learn new things, Chekov’s noticed. It’s part of what makes her such an important member of the crew and why her knowledge of languages is unparalleled by almost anyone else in Starfleet.

He waits until the evening meal to approach the First Officer of the _Enterprise_ , far too intimidated to do so on the bridge when everyone else is there. The more he thinks about it, asking Spock might be a terrible idea. He trusts Spock’s dignity and politeness to not be rude if the word isn’t actually Vulcan, or if it’s some cultural secret he’s not allowed to impart that the captain has found out accidentally. That seems less likely, but Chekov definitely doesn’t want to get Kirk into trouble with their formidable First Officer. Even if everyone who actually knows Spock is aware he’s a big softie on the inside and chooses not to show it. But Uhura will probably ask Chekov about it tomorrow when they meet on the bridge and then Chekov will end up admitting he was too scared.

When he enters the dining room, though, Spock is sitting right next to Kirk at the Captain’s usual table along with the ship’s doctor, McCoy. Chekov does a double take. When did that happen? Despite their friendship, Spock and Kirk had rarely taken their meal breaks at the same time and Chekov was pretty sure if they had they hadn’t sat together. It’s probably a good sign, the better they get along, the better the ship will run. It just throws a pretty big spanner in the works of Chekov’s plan. With a sigh, he gets something to eat and seats himself next to Sulu, who appears to be distracted with texting his boyfriend.

Chekov eats quickly, keeping on eye on Kirk and Spock’s table.

“Hey, you alright?” Hikaru asks him.

“Huh?” Chekov turns to see his friend’s concerned expression. “Oh, yes. Just tired.”

Sulu smiles. “Make sure you get enough sleep, Pav. Teenagers need it, you know.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Chekov says sarcastically. When he glances back towards the Captain and First Officer they’ve both suddenly stood up and are in the middle of clearing their trays. He jumps to his feet despite the fact he hasn’t finished eating his meal.

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Sulu cries and Chekov accidentally whacks his shoulder with a hand.

Kirk and Spock were already halfway out the door. “Sorry, I’ve got to go!” Chekov squeaks as he untangles his legs from the bench and starts on his way after Spock and Kirk.

“Are you going to clean this up?” Sulu calls after him, but Chekov’s already too far away to respond. He’s on a mission – he’ll make it up to Hikaru later.

He leaves out the same door as his targets, finding himself in a busy corridor. He spots the backs of Spock and Kirk’s heads down to the left and starts to push his way through the crowd. The prospect of speaking to Spock when he and Kirk part ways is still motivating him but now the idea of investigating his superior officers’ combined new and odd behaviour is also appealing. Something weird is happening and Chekov’s determined to find out what it is.

He follows Spock and Kirk through the corridors until they stop outside the lift in a quieter part of the ship. Chekov walks as carefully as he can. He’s heard stories about Vulcan hearing and would prefer not to be caught sneaking around after his Captain and First Officer. From the distance, he can just about tell that the lift is heading up.

“Up…” he murmurs under his breath, darting back behind a corner in case his voice carried through the corridor. There is only one more floor going upwards from these lifts – the recently-renovated science wing. It’s usually closed at this time, now that shift is over, but he supposes that doesn’t extend to the Head Science Officer and the captain of the entire ship. Leaning back around, Chekov watches as the doors to the lift open and they step in. Kirk is behaving oddly again, clicking the fingers of his right hand like Chekov’s noticed he always does when he’s nervous. He knows he should probably turn around and go back to the dining room or head to the rec room, ignoring that any of this ever happened. He doesn’t exactly think its against regulations to do what he’s been doing up until now but it’s definitely _not_ okay for him to go up to the science wing after hours. Captain Kirk isn’t one to be angry with his crew, but Captain Kirk is clearly trying to hide something. Curiosity wins over though, and as soon as the lift doors close Chekov makes a mad dash for the stairwell on the opposite wall. He leaps up the stairs two at a time, gasping for breath by the time he reaches the top. In the wall to his left, he hears the lift come to a halt and the doors open. Breathing heavily, he slowly, gingerly opens the door to the stairwell and peeks through the gap. He isn’t sure what he expects to see, but it certainly isn’t… that. It certainly isn’t Commander Spock _smiling_ at Captain Kirk. And it certainly isn’t the two of them holding hands as they enter one of the labs, the door swinging shut behind them.

_Holding hands._ Chekov knows little about Spock, but from experience he’s learned that the Vulcan is not one to smile and holding hands with someone would be his worst nightmare. Not that Vulcans have nightmares, for as Spock has asserted on numerous occasions they do not dream, but still.

Chekov turns and runs away back down the stairs, freaking out internally even more than when they had that unfortunate run-in with a stray Klingon ship three months ago. He’s not really sure what he just saw, just that he wasn’t supposed to see it. His cheeks burn in embarrassment as he throws himself out the door at the bottom of the stairwell, slamming into another ensign and barely stopping to apologise before sprinting away down the hall.

A sudden beeping sound calls his attention to his comm. He recognises the ID number flashing on the small strip of screen on the device.

“Sulu,” he greets as he answers it, still trying to catch his breath. “Vhat is it?”

_“I’m still weirded out by how you just disappeared a few minutes ago. Seriously, are you alright?”_ Hikaru asks.

Chekov is not alright. “I am… fine,” he replies slowly, aware of how hard his heart is beating.

_“Have you been running?”_

“I uh…” Chekov hesitates for a moment before giving up on keeping the information to himself. “I am afraid I have discovered something terrible. Vell, ze thing is not terrible I do not think, but it is terrible zat I found out about it.”

_“I’m so confused right now._ What _did you discover?”_

He glances over his shoulder, half expecting Captain Kirk to be there, Commander Spock at his side, ready to have Chekov thrown in the brig for what he saw. Everyone walking past is staring at him as he stands, huddled against the wall, red in the face, clutching onto his comm like a lifeline. “I cannot tell you like zis,” he says finally, voice barely more than a whisper. “Vhere are you?”

_“In the dining hall, where you left me,”_ Sulu replies in an affectionately cranky tone. _“This story better be as good as you’re telling me.”_ At no point did Chekov say anything about the story being good – in fact he clearly recalls using the word ‘terrible’ just a few moments ago. He and Hikaru are sort of the gossipers of the bridge though, and always looking out for new stories to laugh about while they sit up there on shift. However, this one might be a bit too ‘spicy’, to use Sulu’s preferred term.

“Okay, meet me on ze Observation Deck in a few minutes.”

Sulu groans. _“Ugh, there are always people making out there.”_

That makes Chekov think of what he just saw, and those people making out, and- Stars above, this is bad. Kind of an amazing story, but so, so bad. He never would’ve guessed. He’ll tell Sulu and that’s all. He knows he can trust Hikaru not to spread it around – their gossip is relegated to the pair of them, it never goes beyond. If… if _that_ is going on, they’ll surely make a formal thing of it soon at which point secrecy won’t matter. Until then, Chekov’s not letting on he knows.

“I’ll see you zhere,” he says determinedly.

_“Alright, fine, catch you in a minute.”_

Chekov puts his comm away distractedly, cheeks still burning. He can’t quite believe that- that Kirk and… Spock are… _a thing._ At least, he’s assuming so. It would explain a whole lot of things that’ve been going on recently. And knowing this ship, it’s crazy enough to maybe just be true. Taking a deep breath, Chekov turns on his heel and heads towards the Observation Deck.

Sulu didn’t know what he was going to hear, but if you’d asked him what he imagined it would be, it wouldn’t have been _that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh, i just love chekov, he's such a sweet little kid. i'm a similar age to him so i wrote a lot of this chapter imagining if i, at my age, had experienced the stuff he did and what that would mean for me. it's a hard life for a kid. i created backstory for him in the alternate universe because honestly how a seventeen yr old ended up on the bridge of a starship like the enterprise has to be a story! also his friendship with sulu is just... the cutest shit. our boy hiraku will be next, by the way :)
> 
> i also have to say again how much i appreciate the feedback so far, it means so much to me, especially as the first fanfiction i've ever posted. this community is lovely and i hope the coming week goes well for all of you.


	3. Sulu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's inner circle game night and also Sulu is everyone's dad.

“I don’t believe it,” Sulu says for the fifth time that day.

“I’m not lying,” Chekov hisses, glaring.

Sulu shakes his head. “I know you’re not. I just can’t believe it. Them _. Together.”_ He glances over at Spock, who stands at his station. He’s in his usual form – silent and analytical, tapping away at his screen with the efficiency and precision only a Vulcan could achieve. Kirk isn’t on the bridge, who knows where he really is.

“Where is the Captain?” he asks quietly.

Chekov grins cheekily. “I bet if you asked ze Commander, he vould know.”

“I bet he would, but I won’t tease them,” says Sulu, “if only because I think Spock might actually kill me. With his disapproving glare or his hands, I don’t know. Maybe he’d go into my mind and find out all my embarrassing secrets,” he jokes, “he is Vulcan, after all.”

“Half-Vulcan,” Chekov says, “his mother is Human, remember?” There’s something a bit sad in the ensign’s voice when he says it and Sulu gives him what he hopes is a comforting smile. Chekov still beats himself up about Vulcan, even though Amanda Grayson lived and everything was fine. Well, as close as the destruction of a planet and the loss of countless lives can be to fine, that is.

“Captain on the bridge!” someone calls out as the lift doors open and Kirk steps out. Sulu can’t stop himself from watching Kirk and Spock as they greet each other. The interaction _seems_ normal… until he notices the way Kirk brushes against Spock slightly as he walks away and the faint smile on Spock’s face as he goes.

“Oh stars,” he mutters, “you’re right, aren’t you? They are…”

“Smooshing?” Chekov offers.

Sulu slaps his arm. “Don’t say it like _that.”_

“Something going on, gentlemen?” Kirk asks in his half-Captain, half-friendly way as he walks by them.

Chekov goes bright red and stares down at his screen, forcing Sulu to respond. “No, sir. Nothing at all,” he says determinedly. With the last words he gives the young troublemaker beside him a sharp look. It has the opposite effect as desired though, as Chekov apparently starts struggling to hold back giggles. Seriously, this one. He’s lucky he’s as charming as he is cheeky.

Kirk grins and shakes his head before moving away, and Sulu sighs with relief that Chekov was able to contain his laughter until the captain was gone.

“Pull it together,” he whispers, “or the entire bridge will know it by the end of the day and it’ll be _you_ that Spock throws hands at, not me.”

“I’m sorry,” Chekov snorts, “I just- it’s so- I don’t know vhat to do but laugh. It is so ridiculous.” He puts his hand over his mouth, leaning forward to stifle his chuckle.

He’s right. It is ridiculous, so ridiculous Sulu’s still not totally sure it’s real. It can’t be real. Kirk and Spock wouldn’t… they wouldn’t be in a _relationship_. He’d had his money on Uhura when they’d first met, but it’d become pretty apparent that she didn’t have any feelings for Spock and him none for her. Jim, though… Sulu didn’t really know that much about either of their preferences in personality, but he would’ve imagined Spock would want someone more… logical? And Jim, someone freer than the reserved Vulcan

“I just wouldn’t have thought they would make a good match, you know?” he says quietly, throwing another look over his shoulder at the supposed couple in question.

“Vell, you know vhat zey say,” Chekov says, recovering from his fit of giggles, “opposites attract.”

“I thought they disproved that one,” he replies.

Chekov shrugs, holding his composure for a few moments before breaking down into laughter again. Half the bridge has turned their attention to them now, shooting glares towards the disturbance. Seriously, the kid needed to learn some better self-control to match his curious and inquisitive nature.

“I hope you’re not going to be like this at game night,” he grumbles.

“Oh, is zat still on? I thought because ve vere on zis mission, it vould not take place.”

“We won’t be landing for a while yet,” Sulu says, “and you know Jim always hates for us to miss one.” Kirk had started ‘game night’ a few months ago. Once a week, he makes everyone from their little friendship group head over to his quarters and hang out. It takes place on the one night of the week where all their shifts match up and honestly, Sulu is kind of honoured to be a part of it. It had been kind of weird at first, especially seeing as Kirk had forced Spock to come, much to the irritation of Doctor McCoy. It was an odd combination – Kirk’s cheer, Spock’s reservedness, McCoy’s brashness… plus himself, Uhura, Scotty from engineering and Chekov, even though he was basically a kid. They’d all fallen into place as friends somehow, though. Even Spock, who would never say it but made it clear through his actions and the tone of his voice. Game night could involve many things – video games, board games, party games, or maybe no games at all. It was more of, as McCoy described it, ‘a playdate’, than anything in particular. It’s their supposed secret, never mentioned in front of the crew because Kirk hates the idea of hurting people’s feelings. Sulu gets the sense a lot of people know and have started their own things accordingly, though. As Chekov’s discovery proves, there are no real secrets aboard the _Enterprise._

“I vill keep it together,” Chekov promises solemnly, a grin still plastered on his face.

Sulu sighs, turning back to his station. “You’d better.”

When they get off shift, Sulu calls Ben and Hana. He really, really misses them so much. Hana is still so little; he wishes he could be there with them all the time. He also wishes to be on the _Enterprise,_ which makes things harder. His plan is to serve for enough time to get extended leave so he can stay with them for a while. Or maybe he’ll take on a job on Earth, perhaps even at the Academy. It’s just that he can’t help but feel that he’ll always return to the _Enterprise,_ at least as long as Kirk is captain.

He manages not to tell Ben all about what Chekov saw. Instead, he focuses on Hana and the way her face lights up when she sees him. It really hurts not to be able to hug her or take her to school. It crosses Sulu’s mind at least once a day, particularly if they’re on a dangerous mission, how much higher the risk is of never seeing her again feels when he stays out in space, far from the safety of the ground. He has to remind himself of those facts that Spock is always telling the crew of when people start to worry. _There is only a one point two three increase in the likelihood of death for crew members serving aboard the_ Enterprise _, provided they are of average health with no existing life-threating medical conditions, and they refrain from taking unnecessary risks with their own wellbeing,_ the Vulcan is fond of saying. Sulu must admit worrying is pointless. He doesn’t want to leave the ship right now, and Ben doesn’t want him to either. For now, there is no war, no extreme danger. Nothing like the horrors of one year ago. Nothing like Nero. That’s what he has to try to remember every time the anxiety sinks in.

He picks Chekov up from the ensign’s quarters a few minutes before game night is set to begin. The kid’s always been kind of shy – not that he’d ever say it – so Sulu always tries to give him a hand. He knows Chekov feels a little bit out of place among his older friends. It’s odd how the cards fell, how he came to be a part of the bridge’s inner circle rather than ending up with his fellow ensigns. Seriously, he’s only just eighteen now. Any other person his age would still be in the Academy, maybe even still in high school. And here he is, with them, trying to fit in as a kid in a big, big galaxy.

When they find themselves outside Kirk’s quarters, everyone else has already arrived. Kirk opens to the door with a bright white smile, leaning against the doorframe. Inside, Uhura, Bones, Scotty and Spock are sitting around chatting, or resting in silent stoicism in the Vulcan’s case. Kirk leads Sulu and Chekov to join them and Sulu gives his younger companion a subtle nudge to remind him of his earlier promise as the kid stares at Kirk suspiciously. Sulu can’t help but look straight at the Captain and his First Officer, though, gaze drawn in curiosity to what he might see. They’re sitting next to each other, which is not unusual. Aside from Uhura, Kirk is Spock’s main tie to the group. Besides, he always seems a lot calmer when he’s next to his captain. Relaxed, if that’s even possible for him. Sulu could swear he’s even made a joke once or twice.

“So, what are you subjecting us to tonight, Jim?” Bones asks grumpily, even though there’s a faint smile on his face. At first, Sulu thought Bones was cynical and bitter, but he quickly realised that the doctor was one of the most caring people aboard the _Enterprise._ He just has… a funny way of showing it sometimes.

Kirk grins, pulling a rectangular pack from behind his back. Sulu recognises it instantly. The card game is still popular on Earth, though usually in the digital form. Still, physical versions are still pretty easy to find. One would imagine in an age so technologically advanced, everyone would just opt for convenience, but weirdly enough it seems to only have drawn people closer to real, tactile things. The box is the classic red and black, embellished white and yellow text. Bones groans immediately.

“God, Jim. You’re seriously bringing that out with _this_ crowd?” The doctor has a point. Their group is notoriously competitive, especially when it comes to multiplayer card games such as the current choice, _Uno_. This will likely not end well. Still, they form a circle on the floor and Kirk deals out the cards. Sulu quickly glances at his own hand. Yellow 7 and 9, green 3, blue Skip and three different Reverse cards in all colours but yellow. Kirk flips over the top card of the draw pile to be their starting card – a green 8.

Spock picks his up without a word, carefully organising them into whatever order he must deem most logical. While the others look up to try to gain other players’ reactions to their own hands, the Vulcan’s eyes remain diligently on his cards and the beginning of the pile in front of him.

“You know how to play Uno, Spock?” Uhura asks, surprised.

Spock looks up. “It is a simple game, reliant only on a basic understanding of colours, numbers and symbols,” he replies coolly. “I would not find it particularly impressive that someone such as myself is able to comprehend such a principle.”

Uhura rolls her eyes. “Yeah but like, where did you learn that from?”

Spock’s expression changes slightly. “My mother was fond of many Terran games,” he says, “she often insisted my father and myself play with her. Though, I had no played for some time until recently.” He doesn’t seem willing to impart any more information, and the mention of Spock’s mother always does a pretty good job of shutting everyone up for a bit. Chekov looks especially downcast, so Sulu gives him a friendly pat, wishing there was something he could say to convince the kid everything was fine. Kirk is staring at Spock with a concerned look on his face. He’s noticed they often end up talking about Spock’s mother as if she did die on Vulcan, like she isn’t currently helping rebuild on New Vulcan alongside Spock’s father. Sulu doesn’t know a whole lot about Spock, admittedly. He can tell how important his mother is to him, though, in a way that doesn’t seem to sit quite right with the half-Vulcan. Or more specifically, what doesn’t appear to sit right with him is the fact that people can tell he cares.

“Well, hobgoblin, you’re first,” McCoy mutters.

Spock has clearly worked out his first move already because he immediately picks out a card.

“Wait a hot second!” Uhura interrupts. “What rules are we playing?”

Kirk runs his hand through his hair. “Uh, pick up-put down, no playing a special card as your last card, play till the end of the round rather than 500 points because no sane person plays like that.”

“Which is odd,” Spock says as he places his card – a green 4 – down in the centre, “seeing as that is the method of play officially stated in the rulebook.”

Uhura smiles to herself and goes next, playing a green 9. Scotty takes a while to pick his card, eventually putting down a green Reverse card. A grin on her face, Uhura goes in with a Skip card and the whole group falls into a quiet ‘oohhh’. The look on Spock’s face is pretty priceless as far as Sulu’s concerned – an expression of pure humoured betrayal. Laughing, Kirk plays a number card.

“Sorry kid,” Bones mutters to Chekov as he puts down a Draw two. Chekov seems unbothered though, for a reason that becomes clear a few moments later as he plays another Draw two.

“Sorry!” he says to Sulu but doesn’t really sound like it.

“Seriously?” Sulu cries as he leans over to pick up four cards.

They play on for a while, Chekov somehow making Sulu pick up more and more cards. It’s Uhura who eventually makes it to Uno first, soon followed by Chekov after Spock forces Kirk to pick up two, to the Captain’s horror. After the order is reversed though, Uhura’s luck takes a turn for the worse as Spock reaches Uno by playing a Draw Four card, the tiniest hint of a smile twitching the corner of his mouth.

“You bastard!” Uhura gasps.

“My parents were both bonded and married in the Human sense when they began searching for a method of having a child,” Spock points out. He too is not spared, however, forced to pick up by a triumphant Kirk.

In the end, it’s Chekov who wins. It comes out of nowhere; one moment Sulu is putting down a random 1 card and the next the kid is placing his final card on the pile with a huge smile on his face.

“See, I told you I vould win vone day!”

Jim takes second place, followed by Scotty a few moments later and Spock after a few more rounds. Bones and Uhura get rid of their cards next, leaving Sulu the loser. He sighs dramatically, throwing his hand of cards on the floor with more violence than necessary.

“That’s the third time in a row you’ve come last in whatever game we’re playing,” Uhura points out somewhat gleefully. “Has someone cursed you?”

Sulu glares at her. “You can hardly talk, Miss Second-Last.”

“That’s Mrs Second-Last to you!”

The group continues to bicker and banter for a while. Sulu joins in until the waves of fatigue render him more of a quiet observer. Chekov falls asleep against the end of Kirk’s bed. The kid’s been really tired recently, too tired for someone his age. It worries Sulu a lot sometimes.

They never make it to another round of cards. Partly because everyone’s too distracted, but partly because when they actually look up again they realise that Jim and Spock have disappeared. Sulu can’t help but think about what Chekov told him earlier. It still seems insane. Not to mention ridiculously unlikely, knowing both of the people who would be involved. Sulu’s known Jim long enough to somewhat understand his fear of loss, and he’s observed the way that Spock struggles to connect with people in the first place. He can almost imagine that they’d be a good match for each other, he just can’t see how they’d come to be together in the first place.

McCoy makes his excuses, muttering about having to get up earlier than usual for some reason. Scotty leaves too, yawning. Sulu wakes Chekov and helps him up, basically carrying him down a few floors to quarters he shares with another ensign, who’s currently on duty. 

“Night, Hikaru,” Chekov murmurs sleepily, eyes already falling shut again.

“Goodnight,” he replies. It’s stupid, he knows, but he feels a bit like an older brother to Chekov. He wants to take care of the kid, like he wants to take care of his precious little Hana, with her wide brown eyes. A horrible stab of homesickness hits him. He misses his family so, so much. Although the _Enterprise_ crew is in a way a family to him, even hanging out with them can’t hold back how much it hurts to be apart from Ben and Hana. Some people have their families on board with them on other ships, but he and Ben have always known that wouldn’t work for them. Ben has his business on Earth, far below the outer space he fears, and Sulu could never sleep soundly knowing Ben faced the same dangers he did every day in his job. Not just for this reason, Sulu knows he won’t be able to stay in Starfleet, on board the _Enterprise,_ forever. For now, staying feels right, though. Even if it does hurt sometimes.

He steps back into the turbolift blinking back exhausted tears. Ugh, life is so weird. He’s out here, in space, literally floating among the stars. Sometimes, Sulu is lost as to the meaning of humanity. Now that they’ve gone beyond the planet that created them, what do they define themselves by? It’s the sort of question that swims around his brain as time wears on and he should be asleep. And now Jim and Spock are together? He really doesn’t understand the universe. It’s so endless, so dark. That’s what fascinates him about it, but it’s also what scares him.

The turbolift stops before his level, and Jim himself of all people steps in. His eyes are red and he looks about as tired as Sulu feels. He doesn’t miss the small sniffle the Captain makes as he takes his place beside Sulu with a polite nod, gaze averted.

“Are you- are you alright Jim?” Sulu asks after a moment of painful quiet, painfully aware of how cracked and emotional his own voice sounds.

Jim starts, wiping his sleeve over his face self-consciously. “Oh, uh- yeah fine, thanks. You?”

“I have my ups and downs,” he replies carefully.

The look Jim gives him is half-confusion, half-appraisal. After another second of silence, he inclines his head ever so slightly. “Yeah, well, you and me both, buddy.” He sighs deeply. “Have you ever known someone who just, rules your whole universe? Like, you can’t imagine your life without them. And when they’re hurting and there’s nothing you can do, it really hurts you too?”

He’s talking about Spock, Sulu realises. Spock, their local cold-hearted Vulcan, in emotional pain. It’s not like everyone isn’t aware that Spock feels a lot more than he lets on – even McCoy thinks so, despite what he says. It’s still odd, and odder still to hear their casual, usually flirtatious Captain talk about any one person like that. Though when he thinks about it, it’s been a long time since Jim used his coy tactics to get them a diplomatic win. Or for any other reason, for that matter. He has to face the idea that Jim has liked Spock for a very long time. He must’ve done, to speak of him in such a way. Or maybe Sulu’s going insane and seeing things that aren’t there.

“I know what you mean,” he says. “It’s how I feel about Ben and Hana, all the time.”

“Of course you do,” Jim murmurs, shaking his head. “I’d love to meet them one day.”

Sulu smiles. “I’d be happy to introduce you next time we’re on Earth.” They both knew that there was a high chance that wouldn’t be for quite a long time.

“I’m sorry you don’t get to see them often,” says Jim. “It must be bad.”

“Yeah, it is bad. But I love the _Enterprise.”_ It’s not a lie, the _Enterprise_ means more to Sulu than he can say.

That brings the faintest smile to Jim’s face. “So do I.”

The turbolift has been stationary for a while now. It’s Sulu’s stop.

“’Night, Sulu,” Jim says.

Sulu hugs Jim, because he really looks like he could do with it right now. “Goodnight Jim. I promise things will look better tomorrow.” It’s something Sulu’s mother used to tell him, and it’s generally true.

Jim looks on the verge of tears again. But Sulu has learned from life and fatherhood that sometimes you have to cry to let the emotions out. Then you can work on being okay.

“Thanks,” the Captain replies softly as Sulu steps out of the turbolift.

Sulu passes Uhura in the corridor. She seems troubled, leaning against the bulkhead with a dark look on her face. To most people, her expression would appear pretty neutral. But Sulu has known Nyota long enough to tell when she’s upset.

“Hey,” hey says, “you okay?”

Nyota glances up, drawn out of her thoughts. “Oh, yeah, thanks Sulu. I’m good, just…” she trails off, glancing down the corridor as if she’s worried about being overheard. “Have you noticed Spock acting kind of weirdly recently?”

“Spock?” Sulu might know about this whole being-with-Jim thing, but he hasn’t actually _noticed_ the Vulcan behaving differently. He didn’t notice their captain’s apparent weirdness either, only Chekov ever saw that. “No, not really. Have you?”

“Yeah, I can’t work out what’s going on with him. I’m worried he’s having a freakout or something.”

Sulu sighs inwardly. Part of him just wants to tell Nyota what he and Chekov know – she’s certainly capable of keeping a secret – but she is closest to Spock of anyone on the ship. That is, aside from Kirk, probably. Spock would likely rather tell her himself, rather than have her find out from another. “Well, you know him better than the rest of us,” he says. “If something’s wrong, I’m sure you’ll work it out. He trusts you.”

Nyota nods vaguely, still looking concerned. “I guess you’re right.” She yawns. “I’m so tired.”

“Go to bed,” Sulu suggests with a grin. “And whatever’s bothering you, you can’t deal with it now. So get some sleep and sort everything out tomorrow.”

She snorts with laughter. “God, you’re like everyone’s dad, you know that, right? Hana must be so lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, Ny,” he says, giving her a light punch on the arm. “Now, go get some rest.”

Nyota sighs and turns down the corridor towards her own quarters. Spock’s behaviour has been troubling her for a few weeks now. She cares a lot about him – he’s her best friend after all. In the end, it takes her a little longer to work it out, mostly because it was the  _last_ thing she was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys better appreciate my dedication i acted out a whole game of uno on the living room floor for the sake of this chapter!! and my little brother laughed at me for playing card games against myself so yeah this cost me a lot. but i just love the ideas of the enterprise inner circle hanging out and having game nights and all that. 
> 
> i almost forgot it was wednesday today and i needed to post a chapter because i had exams this week and everything was so crazy!! which reminds me, the next chapter (which will be from nyota's pov btw) may not be out for two or so weeks, because i've gone through all my pre-written chapters and i'm away this weekend. thanks for you patience! love you all ♡


	4. Uhura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission goes fairly terribly, let's be honest.

The mission, rather unsurprisingly, is already going terribly. Nyota sighs deeply as she stops on the crest of the hill to wait for the others, holding out a tricorder to scan the landscape before her. Pavus II isn’t a particularly notable planet. Its native sapient race are the Pavusians, a humanoid species who achieved warp capability twenty-six years ago and are prospective Federation members. She knows a little Pav though her pronunciation could certainly use some work. It was enough, however, to make contact with the Pavusian government and get their permission to explore some of the planet’s surface. She had told Jim she was more than happy to lead the away team with Spock or another one of the science officers, but he had insisted in typical Kirk fashion that he was coming. Of course, that meant Spock couldn’t come, because as per general Starfleet guidelines, at least one of them should remain aboard. In typical Spock fashion, the Vulcan had protested this ruling. He was loyal enough not to argue in the way Jim would’ve done, instead, he sulked, ignoring everyone except for Nyota and Jim and barely speaking a word to either of them, anyway.

Although it wasn’t unusual Spock behaviour, it only served to heighten her concern for her friend. Spock had been behaving oddly for months now, even more strangely in the past week or two. She’s witnessed multiple emotional outbursts from him – not angry or sad ones, but _happy ones._ Joy, amusement, excitement. It was disconcerting, to say the least. She’ll even swear to seeing him laugh, not out loud, of course, just a muffled breath of amusement at something ridiculous Jim was saying. It was as close to actual laughter as a Vulcan could probably come. When she asked Jim, he told her not to worry about it.

Nyota does love Jim – in a weird, annoying younger brother kind of way – but really, he is an idiot. Not in terms of his intelligence because even Nyota can’t deny the man is as much of a genius as anyone on the bridge of the _Enterprise._ Yes, James T. Kirk is smart. He’s also a complete dumbass. His dumbassery is admittedly endearing, coming out of how much he cares about _everybody_ , but it tends to be fairly inconvenient. Which is why they’re still here on Pavus II four exhausting hours longer than planned, all because damn it, Jim’s heart is just too big.

It had started _five_ hours ago when the away team had discovered two young children in the wilderness of the Pavus II jungle. They were native Pavusians and totally alone. Nyota had managed to ascertain from them that they’d run away from home, home being a small city some distance from their current location. They could’ve called the _Enterprise_ to pick the children up and transport them back to their parents, but after Scotty expressed the tiniest hint of concern about Pavusians using the transporter, Jim had decided the away team would personally escort the children home. Well, not all of the away team. Only Jim, Nyota and two of the security officers remained on the planet while the science officers returned. She wouldn’t be surprised if Jim had just wanted to spend more time with the children. Either way, it should only have taken an hour or two. But here they are, five hours later, still walking. The _Enterprise_ had long left their initial position and headed off to the rendezvous at the Pavusian planet capital to drop off some supplies the Federation owe as part of their current agreement with Pavus II and now probably imagine their away team is spending some extra leisure time in the children’s home city, soaking up the culture. Unfortunately, not so.

Nyota loves children. Sometimes. She has two little cousins – Akinyi and Zawadi – who mean the world to her. The girls are so sweet and gentle, so small and innocent. These Pavusian children are not cute and well-behaved like her cousins, though, and Nyota’s patience is wearing thin. Jim, eternal father-of-all-children that he is, indulges the kids’ every desire and walks persistently at their pace. Tired of his cooing, Nyota went on ahead. From her vantage point, she can faintly see what must be the children’s city on the other side of another patch of jungle. Hopefully it won’t take them much longer to get there, Nyota is tired.

She taps her comm and patches through to Jim. “I can see the city,” she says shortly. “Where are you?”

_“Uh… maybe fifteen minutes behind?”_ comes Jim’s voice, the sound of bickering children in the background.

“Make it ten,” she tells him. “I’ll wait here.” Finding a place to sit on the rock, Nyota surveys the landscape before her critically. Pavus II is fairly unremarkable. Beautiful, like almost every planet they visit, but pretty typical. It’s something Nyota’s always found interesting about the galaxy. There are certain environments, certain characteristics, that exist throughout space. Humanoid species make up a surprisingly large proportion of sapient life across the galaxy. Something about their biology makes them survive where other kinds of life did not. These jungles aren’t dissimilar to many Nyota’s seen since joining the crew of the _Enterprise._ There are differences, of course, but the basics remain the same. Trees, vines, moss… On some level, it’s all the same.

Thinking about biology just makes her think of Spock again. Worry over him is her main source of irritation right now, if she’s being honestly. Yeah, she’s minimally pissed off at Jim for being such a softie and extending this mission by more hours than remotely necessary. But mostly, she’s worried about her best friend.

Nyota first met Spock at the Academy when he taught there, and she was finishing up her course. At first, she’d only been intrigued. Spock was the first Vulcan she met. He helped to teach her his language, gave her advice, treated her with more sincerity than he seemed to do with anyone else. She could’ve fallen in love with him, quite easily. Except she didn’t. Spock was brilliant and kinder than anyone gave him credit for, but Nyota quickly judged they wouldn’t work out. He didn’t have any interest in her like that and honestly, she didn’t find it in him either. That didn’t stop the rumours, of course, and it took a lot of effort from Spock and a lot of death glares from herself to quash them. There are still plenty of people convinced they’re together, unfortunately.

It had been a month into their friendship when Nyota had realised Spock didn’t really _have_ many other friends. The admirals and teachers all liked him – Pike was certainly a fan of the Vulcan – but the students only complained about him behind his back, and there weren’t many other staff at the Academy who were as young as he was. She subsequently realised that _she_ was now Spock’s best friend. He was afraid of being close to people, she came to understand, and it took a lot for him to admit that fact. Part of the reason she’d initially strongly disliked James T. Kirk was because he seemed blind to that truth – that Spock was afraid. He could only see Spock’s cold successes and emotionless manner, not the fragile soul inside, scared of all the people around him. Scared of _emotion._ The two of them were entirely at odds at first. Jim’s emotions were loud and violent, bursting out of him without control. Spock’s emotions were shoved right down to the bottom and ignored. After Vulcan, though, Nyota saw Jim’s attitude change. Maybe he’d finally realised that he wasn’t talking to a robot after all, that Spock felt more keenly than many.

Recently, Spock had been letting more of that emotion out. She’s happy to see this, of course. It’s a big step for him and she’s proud. But there’s something about it that makes Nyota uneasy. Maybe because she can tell there’s something he’s hiding from her. It’s not like she feels the need to know every detail of her friend’s life, right? Spock, though… he’s honest. Often to a fault. Honest about everything except emotions. Which means whatever’s happening for him right now, it _has_ to be emotion-related. Keeping it all to himself never did him any good, which is what has her concerned. She can tell there’s something he wants to say to her, but the explanation never comes. She asked about his family and was told they were fine. So what could it feasibly be? Could Spock be seeing someone? It doesn’t seem particularly likely.

Adding to her nerves is the fact that Spock isn’t the only one acting like they have a secret. In fact, the entire bridge crew has been behaving weirdly for the past week or so. Jim is the obvious one. Usually he spends almost all his free time with the crew, ‘getting to know’ people and trying to improve everybody’s days. He once explained he didn’t want anyone to be afraid of him, as captain. Nyota refrained from pointing out that was very unlikely. You spend one minute with Jim – at least, present Jim, and realise he’s a soft-hearted goofball. If not with the crew, he’s probably hanging out with Bones or bugging her or playing chess with Spock. Which makes the fact he’s been disappearing a lot recently very weird. She can’t seem to find him when they’re not on shift anymore. He’s stopped annoying her with his admittedly nice and earnest conversations when she’s trying to work as much, stopped spending so much time wandering the corridors talking to everyone he meets. She’d worry he was having some kind of breakdown except for the fact he’d been even _more_ cheery of late.

And then there’s the class clowns – Sulu and Chekov. They’re not even remotely good at hiding that they have some sort of secret. At least once a day, Chekov bursts into laughter and is glared at by an unamused Sulu until he shuts up. The last time that happened, it was because they discovered that Scotty was going out with someone from engineering and seemingly found it _impossible_ to keep that fact to themselves. It only makes Nyota wondered what they know _now_. And she can’t stop remembering how when she asked Chekov to remind her what the Vulcan word she’d forgotten the meaning of had been, he’d gone red, made an excuse and ran away as fast as she could. The kid was shy, but even that was unusual behaviour for him.

No, Nyota just can’t shake the feeling that there’s something nobody is telling her. Some secret that half the crew now seems to be aware of. Ship gossip is usually some iteration of who’s with who and who’s had a fight with who and it’s never kept under particularly tight wraps. Now there's this tension in the air and everybody’s acting like they’ve completely lost he plot. The only ones who seem to be _somewhat_ normal anymore are McCoy and perhaps Scotty. Maybe even that’s not true now she thinks about it – the doctor is even more irritable than usual as of late and blows up, particularly at Jim, at a lot of random things. Jim just laughs nervously every time and dismisses it, but Nyota thinks she can tell it’s bothering him.

“Hey!” Jim calls from behind her, his bright smile appearing from below the rocky crest. He is followed by the two Pavusian children and the two security officers, both of whom look even more tired than she is. “Hi Uhura,” he says, grinning as if they haven’t just trekked across four hours’ worth of jungle and desert. She told him her first name a while after Nero, finding she respected him a lot more than she had before. Now it had become something of a joke and he called her Uhura instead. It made her smile slight despite herself.

With a deep sigh, she stands up. “Took you a while,” she mutters. “How are the kids?”

“Oh, we’re great, aren’t we?” he replies, more to the children than to her. The little things smile and giggle even though they can have no idea what Jim is saying.

_“Children,”_ she says in shaky Pav, _“you are well?”_

They jump up and down enthusiastically in response, waving thumbs-ups in her face.

“I taught them that,” Jim proclaims proudly.

“Do they even understand what it means?” she points out. She gives the kids a thumbs-up in response and tells them, _“this is good, okay?”,_ pointing with her other hand. They cry out their agreement in Pav Nyota can just translate through their thick accents. “I hope you didn’t teach them any inappropriate hand gestures,” she says to Jim sternly which elicits a laugh from the captain. Too handsome for his own good, that one. Golden-blonde hair, bright blue eyes and gorgeous smile. Nyota knows he used to have a reputation – not a very good one. She remembers unfortunately well the multiple Gaila incidents at the Academy. It was one of the first things that really put her off him. That Kirk hadn’t had any respect for anyone, which she’d later realised was probably because he didn’t have any respect for himself. All that had changed, though. The drink-logged Kirk who stumbled up to her in the bar all that time ago was long gone. She supposed they had Pike to thank for that. Him and Jim himself, for putting the effort in.

“Come on,” she says, “let’s go. I need the shade of the jungle; this sun is killing me.”

They begin to trudge down the hill towards the patch of greenery that lies between them and the small city of the Pavusian children. Nyota falls in behind Jim but soon passes him as he goes to extreme lengths to match the pace of the kids with their tiny legs. It would probably be faster to carry them, honestly.

The shade is a great relief as they come under the shelter of the trees, the thick coverage blocking out the burning sun. You probably wouldn’t even know it’s day, it’s so dark, and the security officers turn out their torches to light up the path before them. Nyota can’t help but notice the way the children cower behind Jim’s legs as the walk, murmuring to one another nervously.

_“You are okay?”_ she asks them worriedly. The larger one only squeaks and bows their head, the smaller one says nothing at all. “They’re scared,” she says softly, biting her lip. Could they be in danger? She pulls out her tricorder just in case, but a quick glance shows nothing nearby. “Ensign Atrut, are you picking anything up?” she asks. The half-Betazoid looks up from her own device and shakes her head. Nyota tries to push away her concern and turn her attention back to Jim. Every time she sees him, she just thinks of the mysterious secret that hangs over her head like Tantalus’ fruit. She’s always been a blunt and straight-to-the-point kind of person, so why doesn’t she just ask. Falling back into step with him, she grabs his wrist.

_“Captain,”_ she says in Vulcan so the security officers can’t understand them, hoping neither have universal translators on them. _“I want to ask you something.”_ She remembered finding it very odd that Jim had decided to dedicate himself to learning Vulcan, but now she was grateful for it.

He looks monetarily confused. _“What?”_ His pronunciation is not brilliant, but it’s not terrible either.

_“When were you going to tell me why you’ve been acting_ batshit crazy _recently?”_ she asks, only slipping back into their usual language for emphasis.

Jim’s eyes go wide. _“Has Spock said something to you?”_

_“What? No? What do you mean?”_

“Never mind,” he mutters, losing his Vulcan entirely.

“No!” she says. “I want you to tell me – what the hell do you-”

A sudden shriek of fear erupts from one of the children and Ensign Atrut yells, “Get down!” Before she knows it, she’s throwing herself to the ground as something huge leaps over the top of them, hitting the earth with a thud a moment later. The air roars in her ears… and keeps roaring when she’s on the ground. The sound is harsh and deep and fills Nyota’s heart with fear. She rolls and tries to stand up, completely disoriented.

“ _Korta!”_ she yells as she finally finds her feet, facing the dark grey beast. The monster is huge and does indeed look eerily like a tiger, just so much bigger and far less beautiful. It stops and turns, fixing its bright yellow eyes on her. In her peripheral vision, she can vaguely see Atrut, but no one else.

“A what now?” Jim yells from somewhere to her right.

Nyota doesn’t reply, frozen in place. In a moment, the animal is going to attack again. She does not have a phaser. Very slowly, she reaches up and taps her comm. She can imagine yelling will only provoke it. “Okay away team, who’s going to shoot this thing?” she hisses.

_“Spencer’s unconscious, I can’t reach them,”_ comes a reply from Atrut. _“And my phaser was knocked out of my hand.”_

_“I can see it,”_ Jim says. _“It’s a two second sprint from where I am. I could get it.”_

“What’s your position?” Nyota whispers, not taking her eyes away from the _korta._

_“Behind you, to your right. I have the children with me. Nyota it’s going to attack you, I’m moving for the phaser in five seconds.”_

He’s going to get himself killed. “Jim, don’t you dare,” she warns. In the corner of her vision, she sees him starts to move. “Don’t!” she yells, unable to stop herself from turning her head. A vicious roar sounds before her as the animal breaks out of its trance and begins leaping towards her. Nyota freezes, her body refusing to move, as the beast crosses the distance between them. Something pushes her forcefully out of the way and she falls onto her back as the _korta_ leaps again. She watches in horror as it collides with Jim, the phaser firing a second later. It hits the ground, stunned.

“Jim!” she yells as she runs to his side. He lies beside the animal, eyes half-closed. Already, the dark blood is staining the sunny yellow of his command top. “Jim, you absolute bloody idiot,” she groans as she desperately pulls back his shirt, feeling instantly sick as the deep, messy gashes left by the _korta_ ’s claws are revealed. Atrut appears with a fresh piece of yellow cloth, torn from her own shirt, and passes it to Nyota to apply pressure with. The ensign’s face is screwed up with borrowed pain.

“I’ve contacted the _Enterprise,_ they’ll be here in minutes, _”_ Atrut says tightly. “Spencer is coming around.”

“The children?” Nyota asks, desperately trying to ignore the wet, slick feeling of Jim’s blood on her hands.

“Uninjured. Afraid.”

Nyota nods, focusing on the task at hand. “Jim,” she says, trying to keep her voice steady, “you’re not dying on me now. You still haven’t told me what the ‘T’ stands for yet. If you die, I’m going to have to search it up like a normal person.”

Jim groans, barely staying on this side of conscious. “Spock…” he groans, eyes fluttering shut.

“Yeah, we’re going to get you to Spock,” she reassures him, “but you gotta stay with us, okay?”

She doesn’t take her hands off Jim until the _Enterprise_ is overhead and Atrut is telling them, _six to beam up directly to med bay,_ and the jungle dematerialises around her.

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ!” someone is yelling as the med bay appears around them and she finds herself crouched on icy white floor, Jim’s still face before her.

“Jim, you _fucking_ fool!” McCoy. His face is distraught. “Nyota, step back!”

She does as he asks, removing her blood-covered hands from the piece of shirt, now entirely soaked in red. Stumbling back, she sees a pair of nurses life a half-conscious Spencer off the ground and onto a bed. More crowd around Jim, McCoy yelling at them to get him on a table. Atrut is ushering the children away towards another nurse, all three of them wearing fear in their eyes.

“Are you okay?” Nurse Chapel asks her, turning Nyota away from the sight of Jim, still bleeding.

“I’m- fine,” she stutters. “Just bruised. Is Jim-”

“Captain Kirk is strong and we’ll do the best we can,” Chapel answers, “now-”

The door to the med bay opens and Nyota meets Spock’s gaze. His face is twisted into an expression of pure panic. The last time she saw him like that was during the destruction of Vulcan, when he nearly lost his mother. He starts towards her when he suddenly catches sight of the blood on her hands, and his eyes travel beyond to the rest of the med day. For a moment, he freezes.

Nyota steps into his path as he begins to move again, quick and urgent as lightning. His usual calm demeanour is lost completely and Nyota almost feels afraid at the pure look of fear and fury he bears.

“Spock,” she says as calmly as she can, though her voice tremors. “Spock, you’ve got to stand back.”

He ignores her and tries to push past. He’s impossibly strong and she almost fails to hold onto him as he tries to force his way to Jim’s side.

“Spock! You need to let them do their jobs!”

He looks at her, eyes shadowed. “Jim,” he says in a cold tone, his voice low.

She tightens her grip on his wrist. “I know,” she replies. “But please, Spock. I think I understand, but the best way you can help Jim is by letting the doctors do what they have to and not get in their way.” A week ago, she would’ve said it was impossible. Now, though, the truth was plain to see. “Oh, Spock,” she murmured, heart breaking a little. “Spock.” She takes his hand in hers, ignoring the blood, and squeezes.

McCoy doesn’t look up from Jim for a long time, thanking Uhura silently for keeping the Vulcan away. It’s not that Bones is an idiot – he guessed pretty easily what was going on – but up until now, at least, he’d just really liked to pretend that it wasn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there!! thank you to all you lovely folks who are still here, i really appreciate it. there's now only bones and a final (likely jim?) chapter to go now! as i've said, this is the first fanfiction i've ever posted and the reception, even in just a short amount of time, has made me a very happy writer.
> 
> i'd be lying if i didn't say that aside from spock, nyota is my favourite tos/aos character. i hate to see her bashed in fanfiction, she deserves so much better. i still haven't watched tos btw, i'm on season 3 of tng currently. i plan to get to tos when i can, though.
> 
> the next chapters won't be posted until mid/late july because i'm going away and won't have much of a chance to write, but this fic will be finished by the end of july, i promise.
> 
> and on a final, rather sad note, i'd like to mark just over three years since the passing of anton yelchin. i hope he's at peace.


	5. Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotion is not Bones' thing.

Bones doesn’t trust people easily. He’s been told many times this is a problem that needs to be fixed. It’s true that maybe he slightly regrets some of the results of his distrust – it hasn’t made him a whole lot of friends, not in the way that Jim’s open friendliness does. But Bones has seen what freely-given trust, what that determination to see the best in people, has done to Jim Kirk. The kid’s had his heart broken too many times. Jim is just so goddamn _hopeful_ , so optimistic. And then people let him down, and he tries not to show how hurt he is… but Bones knows him well. Better than anyone, really.

He always liked to think that’s why they’d always been such good friends. They’re like opposite ends of the spectrum – Jim, positive and cheerful and then Bones, pessimistic and cynical. Jim reminds him that sometimes he can be a bit of a deprecating asshole, he keeps Jim grounded, in reality. They understood each other. And somehow from that first meeting, they were best friends.

Snorting with cheerless laughter, Bones shakes his head. What would the Leonard McCoy of just a few years ago think of having this overly-courageous kid as his _best friend?_ Of having _anyone_ as a best friend? If he’s grateful to Jim for one thing, it was making him realise that being alone actually wasn’t that fun after all. Pretty awful, really. They’d both been lonely when they’d met. Jim had a lot of friends now – and maybe Bones did too, not that he’d ever admit it – but he knew he could read James T. Kirk like no one else could, not even his own mother, not even Pike. He’d been the first to work out why Jim was acting so weird and miserable a few weeks ago.

As he packed away some medicine left scattered over a bench, Bones grimaced at the memory. It had started with the brooding, when suddenly all Jim could seem to do was sit around looking unhappy, whether it was on the bridge, in the dining hall at meals, at game night… but _especially_ during their best-friend drinking sessions off-shift. Well, Jim had been drinking, Bones is trying to take a break from alcohol. It had been getting a bit out of hand, even he’ll admit. Jim had just been _wallowing_ in it, the complete opposite of his usual, sparkling self. It was at that point that Bones had guessed his friend was probably in love with someone. It reminded him of those times back a few years ago when Jim’s latest date would break up with him and he would lie around for hours, moping. Whenever Bones brought it up, though, Jim would go wide-eyed and deny anything was wrong, which led him to suspect the existence of Jim’s newest crush was something he wasn’t willing to admit to. It had to have been someone embarrassing, someone he couldn’t even tell Bones about–

“Doctor McCoy, I require your attention.”

Bones groans inwardly and turns. The Vulcan stands, stony-faced as ever, in the doorway to his office. “What can I do for you?” he asks through gritted teeth.

“Since my shift was over, I came to enquire as to the Captain’s current level of wellbeing,” Spock explains in his usual emotionless tone. Or, emotionless as far as Bones has ever been able to tell. Jim always said the First Officer was even more emotional than he was. One or twice, maybe Bones could’ve seen it. Almost.

“He’s asleep,” Bones says shortly.

Spock somehow manages to become more tense. “When will he awaken?”

“Bloody hell if I know!” He finds himself yelling. _God’s sake, Jim, I don’t understand what you see in him._ “You think I have any idea when Jim’s waking up? He got mauled by a tiger on steroids – he almost died!” Bones sees Spock flinch at that and nearly feels guilty, only held back from remorse by anger.

“Doctor, I fail to understand the reason behind your anger. I am not responsible for the Captain’s current condition, no more than yourself,” the Vulcan replies in a raised voice, a tinge of green touching his cheeks.

“Course it’s not your fucking fault,” he growls, “but I can’t deal with your goddamn… _hobgoblining_ at the moment! Have you seen the state of everything right now? It’s a mess, Spock, a goddamn mess! And I’ve had people badgering me all day – the Russian kid, Sulu, Scotty – about Jim and every time I have to say I haven’t got a fucking idea when he’ll wake up or what state he’s going to be in when he does! I’m worried for him, alright? So take a step back.”

Spock doesn’t move, but some of the tension leaves his shoulders. “I, too, am concerned for the Captain. We are not foes in this.” His words lack anger and Bones can’t deny the unsettling sense of the vulnerability in his tone. He doesn’t like thinking of Spock as someone with feelings, as shitty as that maybe sounds.

The air between them is painfully still. _Dammit Jim, I can’t believe what you’ve brought me to._ “I’m sorry, Spock,” he says, forcing the words out one by one. It feels unnatural. “Sorry for being an asshole. I’m Jim’s best friend and you’re…” he trails off and leaves the sentence hanging for a moment, grimacing. “…Anyway, you’ve got your way of dealing with his fucking insanity, and I’ve got mine. What’s that Vulcan mumbo-jumbo Jim keeps saying to justify the madness he gets himself into? _Kaiidth?_ What is, is?”

Spock looks faintly disturbed by Bones’ lacklustre pronunciation, face set in hard lines. “You make a valid point, Doctor McCoy, about our differing ways of managing the Captain’s self-sacrificing tendencies. However, I must ask what you meant by your previous, unfinished, statement. Are you insinuating I am not a friend of the Captain?”

He groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Dammit, Spock, you know what I mean! You’re not gonna get me to say it out loud.”

“Doctor, I am unsure to what you are referring.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, it’s been at least a week since you and Jim finally–”

Bones is interrupted by a sudden beeping sound out in the medbay. “Jim,” he mutters under his breath before pushing past Spock, silently thanking the grace of the universe for not forcing him to say… _it._ Spock is at his side in seconds as he crosses the floor to the small side room where Jim had been sleeping.

“Is the Captain in danger?” Spock asks, the neutrality of his voice displaced by what must be his stilted form of anxiety.

He pauses outside the door and glares. “No, Spock, he’s fine. That was the manual medical attendance request alert, okay? And since you’re awake you might do Jim the honour of calling him by his name.”

Jim is struggling to sit up when they enter, clutching at his side. The grimace on his face melts into a shining smile when he notices them, though, and Bones’ own fear is lessened at seeing his best friend so much himself. Himself being optimistic and radiating positivity even when he’s almost just died from severe bleeding and tissue damage.

“Bones, Spock,” he rasps, blinking as Bones brightens the lights.

Up close, Jim is far too pale. The wounds on his torso are healed as best as Bones could, but they’ll leave nasty scars. Bones learned a long time ago that Jim _never_ has his scars fully removed like they can do easily these days. Something about remembering.

“Jim,” Spock says softly as he walks around to sit by the other side of the bed, hesitating for a moment before reaching out and taking Jim’s hand in his. Bones pretends not to see it.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Jim,” Bones says as he checks the screen displaying his patient’s current physiology. “Uhura told us how it was. You jumped in front of a raging beast and you’ve got the wounds to prove it.” He’s not angry – not really – and the words coming out his mouth sound more sad than pissed off.

Jim sighs, his smile falling slightly. “Yeah, I– I guess it was instinct.”

“Instinct’s about right,” he mutters. “With a touch of insanity.”

“Well, at least I’m alive, right?” Jim chuckles, cringing again as he tries to move. Spock looks vaguely pained by his Captain’s words but says nothing.

Bones shakes his head and starts searching for medical equipment. He feels like flinging a couple of swear words out into the universe. Not at Jim, hell, not even at Spock. Just at the world in general. Bones is a well-practiced cynic, but your main personality trait being ‘humorously miserable’ gets tiring after a while.

“So, uh… Doc,” Jim says after a few depressing minutes of silence. “What’s the damage?”

“You’re lucky,” he replies dryly, “…that I was there to fix you up. It’ll take a while for you to be back on your feet, you’re on medical leave for _at the very least_ a week–”

“You’re kidding, a whole week?”

Bones raises his hand to signal _shut the hell up._ “– _and_ you will be staying in here until tomorrow, at which point you _may_ be allowed to rest in your quarters _if_ you behave yourself until then.” The statement is received with rolled eyes on Jim’s part and a look that is somehow both approving of Bones’ decision and disapproving on his tone at the same time on Spock’s.

The Captain and his First Officer start speaking to each other in hushed Vulcan, which Bones is _fine_ with because he doesn’t want to know what they’re saying anyway. If Spock is even capable of being romantic – God forbid – it’s not something he wants to know about. He’s not sure when Jim learned Vulcan, he just seemed to be able to suddenly a few months ago. A bit of prying revealed that Uhura had been helping him learn as a part of his improve-my-working-and-personal-relationship-with-my-First-Officer mission. The pair of them had been on good terms since the aftermath of Nero, but Bones was pretty sure Spock would’ve thrown a fit over them being called ‘friends’ until Jim’s efforts paid off. At the time, he couldn’t tell why Jim bothered. He sort of understood now.

Bones had never been very good at admitting when he screwed up. It was part of the reason the marriage had fallen to pieces. And it’s part of the reason everyone thinks he’s such a massive asshole when they first meet him. Bones never apologises except when he doesn’t really have a choice.

Some part of him knows Spock’s Vulcan-ness was only ever an excuse to strongly dislike him, if hate is too strong of a word. Maybe he regrets setting them up as enemies. Spock’s not a bad person… but Bones is still convinced he’s not nearly as good as – not nearly _good enough_ for – Jim. Not that anyone ever really is but God, Bones’ distrust aside, Spock can be a piece of shit sometimes. How many nights did Jim lie around in his office miserable because of the damn hobgoblin? Too many for Bones to count, and too many for Bones to want Spock for his best friend.

But Spock is smart. He’s a good science guy and a good First Officer. Bones can respect him professionally and still struggle to _get_ Jim’s regard. He looks over at them, now, with their hands joined and an unusually soft expression on Spock’s face. It doesn’t make him angry, exactly. It just leaves him feeling bitter.

 _“Commander Spock to the bridge,”_ comes Sulu’s voice over the announcer system.

He throws a pointed look at the Vulcan who seems set on remaining until Jim pats him arm weekly, muttering something in Vulcan that Bones supposes is comforting.

“I will return as soon as possible,” Spock says so Bones can understand it.

Jim smiles. “Yeah, no worries, you can tell the rest of the team I’m awake.”

“But they’re not to come down all at once, or at all until their shifts are over,” Bones warns.

“I shall inform them.” Spock is gone in moments, leaving Jim and Bones alone in the room.

Having avoided doing so thus far, Bones sits down on the opposite side to the one Spock was up until recently occupying and begins treating what remains of Jim’s wounds. Their main mission at first had been stabilising his condition and fixing up the internal injuries, now he could work on trying to speed up the recovery time.

“Was it really bad?” Jim asks after a minute or two, staring at the wall and _not_ at Bones.

“It’s always _really bad,_ Jim,” Bones replies, “when you go and get yourself nearly killed and I’ve got to perform emergency surgery on my best friend and hope it turns out okay.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he says, sounding miserable. “But I meant… I meant with Spock.”

Bones breathes in sharply and suppresses his annoyance. He was just thanking being free of the Vulcan for a couple hours until shift was over and having the chance to put that whole thing out of his mind. “If you mean your hobgoblin throwing an absolute hissy fit and needing to be calmed down by Uhura while Sulu took charge of the bridge until you were out of surgery, then yeah.”

“I wish you wouldn’t call him that.”

“Look, I… I get that you two are something special, but I know what he’s like.”

“It’s what he’s like that makes him so important to me.”

Bones looks over to see Jim’s eyes glistening with tears, hand clenched. _“Important,”_ Bones murmurs. They’re having this conversation sideways, following a string of words parallel to the ones that would actually be right. But he can’t quite say it. Bones is bad at trusting people. Bones is bad at emotions. “How long?” he asks finally, watching Jim’s reaction.

His friend coughs, refusing to make eye contact. “I don’t know. A few months, maybe? Maybe since Nero. Maybe since the first time I ever saw him.”

“You understand why I am what I am, right? I don’t work in the same way you do. I definitely don’t work in the same way Spock does.”

“Of course I do. It’s why you’re my best friend, Bones, forever. I like what you are.”

Bones snorts with laughter at the idea of _best friends forever,_ even though it isn’t really a joke to him. “So you wouldn’t have me change, then? Not even a tiny bit?”

The silence between them lasts too long and Bones is about to make up his mind not to say anything more for at least an hour when Jim answers. “I think everyone can always get better.”

“Even you?” Bones asks, finally catching Jim’s gaze and holding onto it.

“Especially me.”

“Even Spock?”

Jim’s bright blue eyes are teary, but his mouth is curved into a small, just-discernible smile. “Even Spock. Just don’t tell him I said that. He’s very insecure.”

The tension breaks like glass and Bones can’t help but laugh out loud as the pieces fall away.

“I’m not kidding! He’s actually kind of sensitive.”

“Fine, I’ll try to be nice, so long as I get the same in return.”

Jim sighs and rolls his eyes. “I’ll let him know you’re willing to be friends.”

“Don’t take it too far,” Bones warns, glaring. “Mutually-respectful acquaintances, maybe.”

Jim grins and reaches over weakly to squeeze Bones’ forearm. “Thanks anyway, Bones.”

“Yeah, I love you too Jimmy.”

“Only my mom calls me that,” Jim says, making a face.

“Who’s the one always doing the mothering?” Bones points out dryly as he stands up, surveying his work. The wounds are pretty much properly closed-over now, but he’s left it to scar. He knows what Jim is like. “I’ll be right back, okay? Just gotta check on Spencer. They should be good to leave soon.” Bones runs right into Uhura as he exits.

“So he is awake, then?” is the first thing she says, looking past him into the room.

“Uh huh, but since when does your shift on the bridge finish now?” he asks. “Did Spock tell you about my rules?”

Uhura smiles slightly. “I’m not afraid of Spock like the rest of them are, you know. Can I see Jim?”

“Of course she can!” Jim calls from inside, coughing.

Bones throws a disapproving look Jim’s way but nods. “Sure, just make it quick.” He doesn’t really care. Besides, Jim’s probably about to receive a telling off for putting himself in danger of the sort Bones would do a lot to avoid. He, too, might not be afraid of Spock, but he’d be a fool to think of himself as anywhere near the same level as Uhura. She’s something else.

Jim loves a lot of people – his best friend, his crew, even his mom – but no one as much, or– no, not in the same _way_ as he loves Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so i lied!! i'm a terrible person!! but finally here is the second to last chapter of this fic, i'm so sorry it took this long! 
> 
> honestly, i could say it was being overseas and then going straight back to school or whatever, but the real reason i'm only posting now is just because of how my brain works. i go through pretty intense obsessions with things - when i started this fic, it was star trek, but over the following weeks/months it changed to got as that show ended (weird seeing as i've never seen a single episode) and then good omens. and then the other day i watched one episode of tng and suddenly i was back into star trek again. so although i've been away for a while, this chapter was written in the span of about three days, and the next (and final) chapter should also be along soon.
> 
> writing this, the song i was listening to a lot was lana del rey's without you, because it always makes me think of aos jim and his love for spock. ("But burned into my brain are these stolen images / Stolen images, baby, stolen images / Can you picture it? / Babe, that life, we could've lived" are the lyrics i particularly just can't get out my head)
> 
> thanks to grammarly for making this readable and the vulcan language dictionary for comfirming my spelling of kaiidth, one day i'll be brave enough to actually try writing some lines in vulcan.
> 
> thank you to all those who've stuck around and hello to new readers!! i love you all so much and thank you for making my first fanfiction posting experience so incredible :)
> 
> [p.s. i spelled 'mum' as 'mom' for the sake of this fic it's done damage to my soul that can never be fixed
> 
> also if it takes me another month to post the last chapter you're allowed to come to my house and confiscate my tng privileges until i do it]


	6. Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets a call.

Medical leave is incredibly, incredibly boring. Not like that’s news – this is far from the first that Bones has wagged his finger in Jim’s face and told him he’s not to step foot on the bridge if he knows what’s good for him. Spock assumed Bones was referring to Jim making a quick recovery by not straining himself, but he’s pretty sure it was more of an active threat. But as an apology for getting mauled, past Jim promised to be good. Current Jim is really mad at past Jim right now.

He started with the paperwork – which really, needs a new name at this point – you know, the stuff he’d actually have to do anyway. Mission reports, including the Pavus II one he knows Pike is going to chew him out over for later, if Bones and Uhura hadn’t done enough of that already; personnel reviews that Jim fails to ever be harsh with, a transfer request from a young doctor-in-training who wants to spend a few months on a Starbase to the fulfil the active duty requirements of her desired qualification. Hopefully one day she can come back onto the _Enterprise_ permanently. Bones approves of her, which is a mark of promise if Jim’s ever seen one. So yeah, the paperwork. It’s a good distraction for about two days, when even with the highest possible levels of procrastination employed, it runs out.

Without paperwork, Jim is forced to move onto more personal business. This involves writing out a message for Sam he’s been meaning to send for weeks, dealing with his galactic finances – Starfleet deals with most of it, but unfortunately not all, ticking off things from the twenty odd to-do lists floating around his quarters on various devices and some on paper, too. He specifically ignores the task _‘call Mom’_ that is noted on several of these.

For a whole day, now, Jim has had _nothing_ to do. He almost considers going to medbay to beg Bones to let him go back on duty, but he feels shitty enough about almost dying again to refrain from doing so. He eats meals with the bridge crew, but when they’re on shift there’s nothing to do but lie around in his quarters, moping. And waiting for Spock to come back. That is particularly tedious.

Jim rolls over on his head and sighs, pausing the holo he’d been watching. _Wow, I am not made for this kind of solitary existence._ He _thrives_ off other people. The fictional people on the screen on the opposite wall feel like very poor substitutes for his actual real-life friends. Not that being with his friends has been normal in the past week or two. It’s not been easy keeping it to himself, especially from Bones. He suspects his best friend forever just _may_ have guessed the truth, though, from the hints he’s been dropping. And he and Spock weren’t exactly subtle in the medbay, he’s aware. By Vulcan standards, they were basically making out. As far he knows Bones is the only one who might have worked it out, but Nyota is also _possibly_ on the table. She knows Spock pretty damn well.

His screen suddenly starts ringing with the video-call tone and Jim falls off the bed, dragging himself back to his feet. The name displayed is one he’s been trying very hard to ignore recently – _Commander Winona Kirk, USS Valkyrie._ The _Valkyrie_ was one of the new ships built after Nero destroyed much of the fleet and all Jim knew what that his mom had been stationed on board as its First Officer. He’d sent her an uncomfortable congratulations and she’d sent one in return with the addition of _‘I hope you’re okay, Jimmy’_ and even worse, _‘I love you’._ Jim hadn’t heard that from her since he was a teenager, he hadn’t even really _spoken_ to her in years. And then she just wanted to be his mom again? Maybe it was because he nearly died. Maybe it was because he was captain, because he was finally becoming the son of George Kirk everyone had always expected him to be. Or maybe it was because she did actually love him – loved him for him, not only because he was one of the last pieces of her first husband, the father of her children, that existed in the universe.

So he had responded to her message. Eventually. It took weeks to work out what to say when normal conversation felt so foreign. But for the past few months they’d been keeping in touch with a message or two every now and then, a reminder of each other’s existence. At one point she’d say _I’m sorry_ and begun to apologise for… things, which Jim had accepted but discouraged. He wasn’t quite ready to talk about the years that had driven them so far apart, not quite yet. On his birthday she’d even gone so far as to call, which had been a very awkward yet promising step in what he hoped was the right direction. She’d never video-called before, though. God, he hadn’t even seen her face for years outside of photos. He stood, frozen, unsure what to do, remaining there until the call timed out and the screen returned to its previous state.

“Shit,” he muttered his breath. She would assume he was on shift and call again later. That gave him a chance to work out how to deal with interacting so directly with the mom he’d never really had. He checked the time. _Spock will be back in like, ten minutes or something. We can talk about it after game night is over._ Spock, in contrast with him, had a very close relationship with his mother. Amanda Grayson–

Amanda Grayson was video-calling him, her name flashing on the screen. The universe was _not_ giving him a break today. _What the fuck?_ No offence, but why was _Spock’s mom_ calling him? He considered comming Spock himself and letting him know, but the words to accept the call were already out of his mouth, and Amanda Grayson’s face was already appearing on the screen.

For a moment, before either of them speaks, he panics. The last time he saw her, it was after she’d just nearly died in the destruction of Vulcan, after he’d said that vile shit about her to her son’s face to provoke him. He doesn’t know whether Spock or Sarek had told her what happened. If they did, he wouldn’t be surprised if she hates him. He would probably hate him too.

“Captain Kirk,” she says. Despite living for so long among Vulcans, her voice is human.

He coughs, feeling thrown. “Ms Grayson,” he greets, wearing his Captain’s manner and trying to seem put together.

“Please, call me Amanda.” She’s actually smiling now, her eyes lit up and warm. “I’m sorry to bother you, I wouldn’t unless… well, I’m calling about my son.”

“About _Spock?”_ he asks. Okay, this just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

“Yes. He’s been ignoring me for about two weeks now, not answering messages or picking up my calls. I want to know why,” she says tersely.

“Oh. And you think I might know why?”

She nods. “I know you’re his friend, Captain. He talks about you a lot, enough that I thought you might have some insight into why I haven’t heard from him in so long. He is okay, isn’t he?”

“It’s Jim, and yeah, I _think_ he’s okay. I don’t really know why he’s been doing that, to be honest. It’s not like him to ignore you, I know how close you guys are.”

Amanda looks pained. “No, it’s not like him. He hasn’t done this in years. Spock–”

The door to Jim’s quarters slides open.

“Spo– I mean, uh, Commander,” Jim chokes out awkwardly. “Good to see you.”

“Mother,” Spock says stiffly when he sees the screen, crossing the floor to stand bAy Jim with his hands at his side. “You have called Captain Kirk.” It’s the kind of superfluous statement Spock usually tells people off for making and Jim throws a nervous look in his direction.

“What did you expect me to do?” Amanda asks. “You were _ignoring_ me, Spock.”

“For that, I apologise. I realised I would be unable to engage in any correspondence in an honest manner and determined it would be disingenuous to initiate contact if that was the case.”

“Darling, you know you’re allowed to not tell me everything about your life?” Amanda says sadly. “I would much rather hear about some of it, than none of it at all.”

Spock turns to Jim, a question on his face. He replies by silently reaching Spock’s hand and trying to send feelings of warmth and encouragement through the place where their skin touched. They haven’t told anyone yet, yeah, but Amanda seems like a pretty good place to start. At least to Jim, there’s no question of how she’ll react.

“Mother,” Spock begins, “I must inform you that Jim and I have engaged in a romantic relationship. When we are next within a short distance of New Vulcan, we plan to be officially bonded. I believe we are _thy’la._ ”

Amanda gasps softly. “Oh, Spock, really?”

“’Really’, Mother. I would not lie to you about such a fact.”

“I know, I know, I’m just so happy for you. For both of you.” Her eyes turn to Jim, filled with tears. The emotion is a bit overwhelming. Honestly, he feels about as surprised as Amanda seems to be right now. Like, he knew he loved Spock. He knew by some miracle, Spock loved him back, and that they were going to get married. _And_ that they had some super special Vulcan bond that you couldn’t really even explain using Federation Standard. But hearing him say it out loud… for some reason it made it seem real. He knew that this was what they’d agreed upon, two weeks ago, when they first got together properly. Which is obviously unusual for known commitment-phobe James T. Kirk, but it’s different this time. Spock had explained to him what was meant by _thy’la._ It made him oddly unafraid to be in love. So Jim just smiles, the joy too overwhelming to do anything else.

“Do you want me to tell Sarek, or do you want to do it yourself?” Amanda asks her son. “There’s no rush of course, but he does love you, even if he finds it hard to say so. If you two really are _thy’la…_ ”

“I will tell Father,” Spock replies, looking very uncomfortable. “Please refrain from sharing this information until that time. I will call you both at a later date and explain it to him.”

“Remember that I’m on your side. I have always supported you, I always will.”

“I know, Mother.”

Jim feels a twinge of jealousy at that, unable to hold back the wish that he could’ve had a mother like Amanda. He doesn’t hate Winona Kirk, at all, but she seems like a pretty shitty deal compared to what he could’ve had. Almost as if being summoned by the thought, _Commander Winona Kirk, USS Valkyrie_ appeared in the corner of the screen.

“Um.” He glances at Spock, who raises a brow as if to say, _it’s your call._ “Ms Grayson– Amanda, if you don’t mind holding on for a second, my uh… _mom_ is calling. Computer, accept call from Winona Kirk?” The display split-screens between Amanda and the face of the woman who gave birth to James T. Kirk, the woman he hasn’t actually seen in years.

“Jimmy!” she gasps, a wide smile dawning on her face. She looks a lot like he remembers – same brown-blonde, wavy hair, same eyes. Aged, though, which is disturbing. “Oh Jimmy, you’ve grown so much. I mean I saw you on the news, but… I just can’t believe it. And who’s this?”

“Hi Mom,” Jim says, cringing slightly. He doesn’t know how to behave around her, especially now they seem to magically be on good terms again, if awkward ones. “Uh yeah, this is Spock. My First Officer.”

She smiles, that same smile Jim knows he wears a lot of the time. “I know, I’ve seen you on the news too. I’m so glad to meet such a good friend of my Jimmy at last. And this other lady is…?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I think she means me,” Amanda says from her side of the screen.

“Wait, can you two see each other?” _What the hell is going on? This was not supposed to happen. I hate technology._

“Yes,” both mothers say.

“Oh, okay. Well. Amanda, meet my mom, Winona Kirk – she’s First Office aboard the USS _Valkyrie._ And Mom, this is Amanda Grayson. Spock’s mother. Look, Mom, I need to tell you something.” She wasn’t the person he’d imagined would find out first, but since she was here, and since she did really seem to want to make amends, maybe it was the right choice. She’d want to be there, he knew. The next words are hard to get out. “Spock and I are engaged.”

Winona Kirk’s reaction is significantly more pronounced than that of Amanda Grayson. “Oh my God, Jimmy! You’re getting married!”

“Yeah, sort of. It’ a Vulcan bond. But we were thinking of having a traditional human ceremony at some point, too.” It doesn’t feel like getting married, not really. It’s big of course – Spock warned him that bonds like the one between them they’re looking to cement are not easily broken – but it’s already there. It’s not going away. Jim would never want it to. It just feels natural, actually, bonding with Spock. Like the right thing to do. Getting married would’ve really freaked him out, once, and it still would honestly, if it wasn’t with Spock. Everything is different when it’s with Spock.

“Am I allowed to come?” Winona asks more gently.

He nods, summoning his strength. “Yeah. I’d like it if you were there.” He’s not sure if that’s true, but he’s willing it so. _I want to make things better with her, somehow. Wow, that’s weird. I never thought that would be a thing for me._

“Have you told Sam?”

“No, but I owe him a message anyway. He’ll know soon.”

Someone suddenly barges into the quarters although, to Jim’s best knowledge, the door was locked. Kind of unsurprisingly, it’s Bones. He’s the only one, aside from Spock who already who has access, who come in with knocking. Unlike Jim’s Vulcan boyfriend – Vulcan _fiancé,_ he reminds himself – Bones does not have unlimited access – he just doesn’t really care about abusing the medical officer override function.

“Hm. I see what’s going on here,” Bones mutters, throwing a pointed look at the screen.

“Bones,” Jim coughs, “why–”

Bones rolls his eyes. “It’s game night, remember, Jim? You insisted we all come over even though you should be lying in bed, you know, recovering? Uhura was just behind me.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” He had forgotten. “Bones, I feel like we should tell you–”

“That you and Spock are a thing, for some God-forsaken reason? Yeah, I know, I’m not a fucking idiot Jim. Now hang up on this mom-chat so we can get to playing whatever hellish board game you’ve chosen to subject us to this time.”

“Jim, I feel that now may be an appropriate time to discontinue our call with our respective mothers,” Spock begins, looking vaguely distressed, his brow creased.

“What’s up, dingbats,” Nyota says as she comes through the still-open door, swinging a bottle of something they usually go without to be a good influence on Chekov. Of course, they’re failing at this, but it’s the attempt at responsibility that counts. Nyota is the only person Jim knows who can use the word dingbats and make it seem cool. Everything Nyota Uhura – middle name: still unknown – is cool. It’s kind of unfair, to be honest. “Oh, hey folks,” she says as she notices the screen. “Are we having a mom party? I don’t think mine’s available right now.”

“You know what?” Jim says, cringing, “Mom, Amanda, I’m hanging up on you. We can continue this uh, _mom party_ later, if we have to. Computer, end call.” The screen goes to black. Jim sits down on the edge of the bed, holding his face in his hands. This is _not_ how he imagined tonight going. It’s going to take a lot of explaining, or perhaps more accurately, _lying_ , to cover this up.

“What was that about?” Nyota asks, throwing herself down on the bed beside Jim. She puts her arm around Jim’s neck to pull his head over and ruffle his hair.

“No noogies,” he mumbles, the complaint largely unheard.

Bones crosses his arms and glares between the three people surrounding him. “What was that about, Nyota? Come on, you’re smarter than I am, at least at reading people. You know what’s going on, these two idiots are–”

“Bones!” Jim pulls himself out of Nyota’s grip. _“Please.”_

Nyota turns to Jim with a small smile on her face, reaching over to fix his hair where she messed it up. Her eyes then move to Spock, who is still standing stiffly a few metres away, having not said a word for a while. His gaze is nervous, searching.

“He’s kind of right, you know,” she says. “I’m not an idiot.”

“No,” Spock agrees, voice grave. “You are a particularly intelligent human being, Nyota.”

“So maybe it’s not so much of a surprise that I guessed the truth about you two. I’ve known for a while now. You aren’t just friends.”

Spock’s eyes widen a little. “I did not wish to keep this information from you for an extended period of time,” he explains, “but I only needed some time to…”

“You don’t need to justify yourself, Spock,” Nyota says, standing up and pulling him into a hug Jim knows he wouldn’t accept from anyone else, except for him. And Amanda too, probably. “I’m really happy for the two of you. I’m sorry I worked it out before you felt ready to tell me. I didn’t know until the mission, though – I guess I just really wasn’t expecting it. So I have to ask,” she continues, turning to Bones, “how long have _you_ known?”

Bones grimaces but it kind of looks like he’s trying to combat a genuine smile with a frown, more than anything else. “Long enough. I knew Jim liked the hob– I mean, _Spock,_ for ages.”

“You never said anything,” Jim says, staring at his best friend.

“Yeah, well, I’m not great with relationships. Didn’t want to screw it up for you.”

Jim wants to say something reassuring, noticing the way Bones looks kind of miserable. _He’s probably remembering his ex-wife. God, I wish he’d told me he knew, I really could’ve done with his help._ For the few weeks after Jim realised he kind of sort of loved Spock and thought that it wasn’t returned, he’d wished he had someone to talk to. Specifically his best friend in the whole universe, Leonard McCoy.

Someone rings the doorbell. Yes, there is a doorbell to Jim’s quarters, it’s on the control pad and very visible. Bones just seems to prefer to knock violently, and Spock always enters through their shared bathroom. “Come in,” Jim calls, feeling too emotionally drained for game night at this point but _determined_ to act like everything is normal and just fine.

“–shut _up,_ Pavel,” Sulu is saying, “be normal or I’ll–”

Chekov squeaks as the door slides open, ducking his head. Jim looks between him and Sulu, both of them refusing to meet his gaze.

“You both know, don’t you?” he sighs, defeated.

“Know what?” asks Sulu.

“I have no idea vhat you’re talking about, keptin,” says Chekov, less convincingly.

Jim rolls his eyes and motions for them to come inside. “Yeah, whatever. Sit down, let’s get the night started, if you decide to fess up at any point just let me know so you can start your teasing. Has anyone seen Scotty, by the way? He’s not usually late.”

“I’m here!” the man in question cries out as he enters. “What’s gonnae on? What’s wrong with ye all?” He looks around at them, eyes wide with confusion.

“Do you actually not know at this point, or are you just pretending?” Jim asks dryly.

Scotty jut stares at him blankly.

“You might want to sit down for this one,” Sulu offers.

Nyota raises an eyebrow. “So you two _did_ work it out.”

“Actually, it vas me who found out first,” Chekov states proudly. “I vas the vone to tell Hikaru.”

“Gee, congrats kid,” Bones mutters, “you want a medal or something?”

“Can someone _please_ teel me what’s gonnae on?”

Jim raises a hand to silence everybody. “Spock and I are… together. We’re a thing. That’s it. We’re not taking questions. So everyone sit down and let’s hang out and be _normal,_ okay?” He walks over to seat himself beside Spock, instinctively reaching for the Vulcan’s hand and relaxing at the contact.

There are about two seconds of silence before Chekov and Sulu burst into uncontrollable laughter. Scotty is still in shock, frozen where he stands. Bones has buried his face in his hands.

“Sorry Captain,” Nyota says as she sits herself down on Spock’s other side, a small smile on her face, “but I think _this_ is pretty normal for us, unfortunately.”

“Yeah,” he says, “yeah, I know. You alright, Spock?”

He looks at Spock, the – not to be too cheesy or romantic – actual love of his life and feels a sense of relief at the faint curve at the corner of his mouth, the brightness in his eyes.

“I am functioning more than adequately, thank you Jim.”

Grinning, Jim leans up against Spock and rests his head against a shoulder. He’s been with Spock officially for what, two weeks now? And it’s all good. Everything’s okay. _This is normal. Me and Spock. It’s normal._ For a moment he gets a flash of memories – more of a feeling, really – and it’s like everything has fallen into place.

“Come on guys,” he says, truly content, unworried, for what’s probably the first time in his life. “Let’s play some cards.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit, here we are! i can't believe i managed to write a whole fanfiction? especially one this long? i know a lot of people write a lot of fanfictions twice as long five times as fast, but to me this is a big achievement and i want to thank anyone who reads it or leaves kudos or a comment, you're the best.
> 
> so yeah this fic ended up being 20k words long?? im?? sorry, that's my too much gene coming out. next time i write for fandom i will try to uh, hold back. we'll see if that's possible. truly, i just adore spirk so much and desperately want to write more. i swear i didn't believe in true love until i discovered them. star trek owns my heart and soul and i want to keep contributing to this fandom. i have a list of fic ideas i so badly want to do something with, but in particular a spirk/enterprise squad au of one of my absolute favourite 70s movies of all time... you know what the word is! if i have the time and energy, i'll do it. 
> 
> thanks again! i love all of you and wish you the best for the future 
> 
> \- cami :)


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